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I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.
In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.
Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.
I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.
Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.
After the life I've had, it's so good to see D on the right track. What's for lunch today?
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
Phoenix_RisingSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Baked beans for lunch today @Former-Member. And now I should be getting back to my marking...but I let myself get sucked into the crossword game and I'm waiting to see if my answers were right. Methinks I shouldn't let myself play on that thread.
In response to: I'm in a nest
Unknown userMember
Re: I'm in a nest
Thanks @CheerBear Can be hard being a mum. We feel what they feel and want to rescue them from all harm, but not always possible. I was on the phone to her for a while, while she cried. I feel so teary now. She would have asked to be picked up if she needed to be. She's not shy in asking, lol. She knows I would too.
I get way too involved in her life. Trying to protect her, because of traumas I went through. But she's sensible and I doubt that she will get into situations that I did. She's more aware of things. I was totally naive.
Totally understand why you let the LF come in your bed. I was the same. Even when D was older, we would bring her mattrass in my room. xo
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
Unknown userMember
Re: I'm in a nest
Baked beans sounds good @Phoenix_Rising And you deserve to have a break to play the crossword game. I'll let you be for now, so you can get on with it.
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
It's like watching your heart run around outside of you and hoping the big wide world doesn't stomp on it @Former-Member. I think anyway. I find it hard to balance wanting to shelter mine from how horrible the big wide world can be, but also still let them be in it.
I have one who learns best the hard way (only via experience). It doesn't matter how many times I try to provide them with possible outcomes for the choices they might make, they will do what they want. This one has been the toughest in terms of shut my eyes and hope for the best right from the start lol. They're getting there with it now, just slowly.
D sounds like she has been given a great start with helping her navigate what might await.
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
Unknown userMember
Re: I'm in a nest
Very good explanation @CheerBear It really hurts when they hurt. But, yes, all we can do is guide them and explain consequences of actions etc and hope that they make the right decisions. Now D is older, I just have to trust her. She goes out with her eyes wide open, but it others that can't be trusted.
Gosh! And you are going through it with 3 of them. It's hard enough with 1.
I really have to go and do some things.
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
I have head off for a while I think too @Former-Member. I just heard that the housing situation has just been escalated to CEO level. I'm big time scared but trying to trust it will have ok outcomes for us. I'm going to bury myself in my beanbag and blanket for a bit now and find my calm again.
Thanks for the cuppa and chat. I love having your company 💗
In response to: I'm in a nest
Unknown userMember
Re: I'm in a nest
Trusting for a good outcome for you too @CheerBear👍💕🍵 I enjoy chatting with you too. 😊🌻🌼
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