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I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.
In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.
Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.
I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.
Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.
I hope for a gentle sleep for you, and a better sense of positive energy tomorrow ..... bless you ..... 💜💐💕
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Good morning in the nest 😊
@Teej - thank you for sharing that. I do experience a similar thing and our big bangs sound similar too. Like you, the dynamite was ignited a week before it actually went bang. Also like you, I came home excited about my day with uni stuff that day when it happened. Hearing that you were able to reflect on your time at uni with fondness yesterday, even though it was a big day, gives me hope that maybe that can happen one day for me too. I'm glad that you had support to get through yesterday and that you did get through it. Biggest hugest well done on walking a different path to get through than the one you might usually take. That really is massive.
I also love that you appreciate the colours of the blanket, thank you. They took me forever to choose. I'm so looking forward to having it on my bed and being able to sink underneath it after a long day. It should be finished right in the middle of summer, when it will be so hot I won't want it near my bed 😉😂 Next winter maybe lol.
Morning @Former-Member - I hope sleep was ok last night. It's great that you got a ✔ in yesterday. D is good at encouraging you up and out for those walks! Hope her study is going well, and that things aren't too stressful for her. It's nice to think of both of you getting out to spend that time together away from the :pile_of_poo:.
Did the GP thing happen earlier this year? I think I remember how hard that was, and totally get it after losing my GP of lots of years. It's so good to hear you found her again! A good GP can be so helpful. The support person I mentioned hasn't quite gone yet. I have a few sessions left and am picking when I use them carefully so they don't clash with the bigbangiversary. She's a seriously special someone, so it's going to suck but I will have others around still including my MH worker. Things with my MH worker are going really well and getting better each time we catch up, which I think which will help.
Hi to anyone else reading 😊 Hope it's a good day ahead for you.
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
💜💐💕@CheerBear .....
In response to: I'm in a nest
Unknown userMember
Re: I'm in a nest
Hi @CheerBear💟🐻
Not a good sleep at all. What about you? 😊 D just rang crying. It's so stressful with all the pressures at school. Yes, it was this year my GP moved away. I saw her for skin check recently. 😊 I found wool in the cupboard, feel too stressed to do anything with it. Must be cuppa time. Is your day going ok? ☕🍰
Hi everyone 👋💗💕☕🍰
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Hey @Former-Member😊
😟 That would have been hard to get that call. I remember doing that with my mum a few times around this time for D.
Sorry to hear sleep wasn't good. I slept pretty well. Had littlest with me in bed last night. They toss and turn a lot, but snuggled in a few times which made up for it.
The wool is another great step 👍 That's enough for today if you want it to be!
Cuppa time sounds good. My day is going well thanks (on a roll here lol). I had a really good appointment with my MH worker. I thought she was pretty quiet and timid to start, but more and more I am seeing another side which I also really appreciate and is really helpful. We wrote a bit of a "direct" email today and had a laugh about how full on stuff is, which I liked today. Sometimes it helps me to be able to have a big spill and sometimes it helps to have a laugh.
Anything planned for the arvo?
In response to: I'm in a nest
Unknown userMember
Re: I'm in a nest
I'm really pleased that you enjoyed seeing your MH worker.
Yes, difficult having little one's in bed. I like my bed to myself. 😂
No plans today. I'm surviving, just usual chores. @CheerBear😊🌹🌼🌹🌼🌹🌼
In response to: I'm in a nest
Unknown userMember
Re: I'm in a nest
What are your plans? @CheerBear😊
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
I don't know if there is such a thing as being too proud of our kids @Former-Member😊 You can 'brag' about D as much as you want to. My thought when you heard that call was that you would have wanted to go and pick her straight up too. I wonder if that feeling ever leaves as they turn into huge kids? I really think you're doing the mummy thing well. I think you're doing the rest of it well too, it's just hard to see sometimes. Good that the dep principal is lovely. The teachers all know us too 😉
I pointed out my bed last night and told LLF that while it was ok to share tonight, it was definitely "my" bed though lol. I have my room, they have the rest of the house. They all still sneak in sometimes which I don't really mind, especially given what they've been through. They won't be little forever.
I'm not doing much today either. Crocheting, reading random internet stuff etc. My 'job' for today was the appointment and the email which I did. I'm trying to stay chill a bit and be 'gentle' given how shaky I got, so that's enough for today 🙂
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
Phoenix_RisingSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
I am not really here, but I just had to say that a mother can never be too proud of their child's achievements @Former-Member.
I am half-way towards my goal of marking two assignments today. I'm just having a lunch break before I tackle the second one.
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