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I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.
In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.
Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.
I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.
Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.
@CheerBear, so sorry you are feeling so sad and tired. You sound overwhelmed. Would it help to talk about things a little now? If not, I'm here with you still.
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Thanks @Mazarita. I'm waiting for a catt call. They said they'd call today but I'm not sure they will now because it's getting late. When I didn't want them around they were, when I think I want to speak to them, they're not here. And that's my fault because I turned them away. I need some help but I'm not sure what will help. I think I'll just stay put until I hear or don't hear from them. Thank you for sitting here with me. You're presence is comforting.
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
MazaritaSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
@CheerBear, you've done the wise thing by contacting catt. I can't remember whereabouts you are. It's 3.15 where I am. That would leave a bit of time for them to get back, if you are in the same time zone as Queensland. Glad to stay with you as you journey out of this.
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Thanks @Mazarita. I didn't contact them by choice but I can choose to not pretend I am completely ok if they call back and that's what I might have to do now. Being honest scares me but being like this without the right support is scary too.
Thank you Mazarita 💛
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
MazaritaSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
@CheerBear, support does sound like the better option. I'm really glad you've come into the forum to find some support too. You mentioned drawing on another thread. What are you going to draw when you get to it?
In response to: I'm in a nest
PepsimaxSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
@CheerBear I'm here with you too just next to you
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
@Mazarita - I'm very scared of their support because it hasn't been helpful in the past. But that was a long time ago and the lady I spoke with yesterday was very gentle and kind and has spoken with my psych so they should have a better idea of the extent of damage that's happened. I think that makes me feel a little better about it now maybe.
I'm drawing a welcome sign for turtle island. I finished the drawing yesterday and am now up to colouring it in part. It's a doodle kind of drawing. I might pick up those pencils and see if it helps for a little while.
How are you this afternoon?
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
@Pepsimax thank you 💗
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
MazaritaSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
@CheerBear, I look forward to seeing the drawing when you've finished it. What sort of colours will you choose? You seem to have a sensitive relation to colour.
My day has gone pretty well so far. Went out for a beach walk earlier. Have done a few things with the project I'm working on. Other than that just taking things as they come today.
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
I think I do too @Mazarita and I'm seeing it more lately too. This was going to be beachy colours but I don't have enough shades so it's rainbow cheerbear style many colours. I'm looking forward to finishing it and adding it to the creativity that's happening on Turtle Island.
Glad to hear you got out for a walk on the beach. I feel happy thinking of you on your beach walks. Hope your project is coming along a little easier today.
I have to go and do the Sunday night thing that I have no energy for and don't feel up to in the least 😞 but I will because I have to. And then I think I'll sit back in the nest and colour my picture tonight.
Thank you for helping me perk up a little. I feel a tiny bit less like it's too hard to get up now. I really appreciate your company, thank you.
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