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I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.
In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.
Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.
I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.
Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.
Thinking of you. @CheerBear💜💕 It's tough, I know. 😢 Snuggle in your nest when you can. Will chat another time, feeling extremely uptight at the moment.
By the way, I have snuggly, fluffy pink socks. 😀 And an aqua pair, well, not a pair at the moment, one is missing.
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Thanks @Faith-and-Hope, @Pepsimax and @Former-Member.
I made a plan to get out of this house with my CM. We've been on a wait list for another housing organisation but today I've been told that the funding for it hasn't been signed off on and may not even get there at all. If it does that 6-12 week wait I was told it would be a few weeks ago, has been upped to possibly 15-20 or more. I can't do this for that much longer, and can't sit around waiting for something to happen that might not. Starting next week we will look for a house to rent privately, and give up on being supported through housing. I've never needed housing support before so it should be ok if I can find somewhere, but it makes me nervous given life is such a mess. I'll be totally on my own then, losing the missing housing organisation (not the worst thing), but also the support of my CM which isn't great. We need a secure stable safe house though. I can't believe how long I've been saying this and how many times I've been here with the same problems and getting nowhere closer to having it. I really really hope this is it this time.
I then met with my MH worker who said there's a noticable difference in how I am in the last few weeks/couple of months. I'm calmer, thinking more clearly, not as brain mashed as I have been, and doing well considering what's going on. Sad and stressed sometimes is ok as well.
I'm going to climb into the nest and just sit for a bit. There's nothing I have to do this weekend except just get through it, and I can do that. I've done heaps this week, and this weekend it's ok not to try to fix anything.
Thanks for sitting with me.
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Ps @Former-Member - love the sound of your socks! I have a pair of snuggly purple fluffy ones. They look amazing with my uggs and rainbow fluffy pj pants 😉
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
Shaz51Senior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
sitting with you my friend @CheerBear
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
Phoenix_RisingSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Hi @CheerBear,
I am almost asleep on my...er...flippers, but I wanted to let you know that I have read your posts and I have heard how much you are struggling with the horrible housing situation right now. I, along with Squishy, Mr Seahorse and the very wise Dr Havetodo are all bunking down in your pocket tonight, not because I super need to snuggle tonight, but because we want to be with you while you are struggling. We are all right here. I am here even when I'm not. With your little pocket gang, you've got this!
In response to: I'm in a nest
Unknown userMember
Re: I'm in a nest
Here too @CheerBear💜 Snuggled in my fluffy blanket on the couch. Catch up soon. 🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
AppleblossomSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
@CheerBear
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Good morning in the nest. Thanks to those who came past last night.
I had nightmares last night, some really really yucky ones that were much more vivid and intense than they've been for a while 😞 . I also shared the bed with two fish and two cats, making it a big time tossy turny night. I was very happy to see a 6 at the start of the time on my phone this morning, and know it was then reasonable to get up o'clock.
It'll all be ok one day, and hopefully this stuff this week will mean that the one day will come sooner rather than later now. I had a look at rentals last night and it didn't look great, but that can change quickly too, so it will be a matter of checking often and jumping on one when the right one comes up. I can do this (I don't want to, and don't think I should have to, but I can). It's going to be great to have a house to make a home. Maybe then life will start feeling more settled.
Today is adventure Saturday kicking off early with our first family thing for the day. I was supposed to do the food shopping yesterday so I didn't have to take the LF with me, but after the drama in the morning and then my CM coming out, I didn't get there, so that has to happen today too.
Hope it's a good day for everyone today and that there are smile worthy moments for all.
💗
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
MazaritaSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Hi @CheerBear, sending love and strength for the extra rough time you have been having in recent days. Thinking of you through my days even if I'm not always around on the forum at present. Hope the dark skies lift a little (or a lot!) for you today.
In response to: I'm in a nest
Gypsy7Senior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Hi sorry that you had a bad night I can relate to nightmares. Hope your night is peaceful tonight!
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