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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thank you @Former-Member and @Former-Member for reading and replying. I don't mean to dump this on anyone, I just need to say it somewhere so I don't say it to the wrong people. I genuinely don't expect a reply. It's helpful to have somewhere to say what is suffocating me at the moment.

I am going in to see their psychiatrist tomorrow. Not because I want to but because when I asked what the consequences of not going would be the answer was vague if I am being positive and completely terrifying if I am being realisitic. I'm absolutely flipping out and that's becoming now almost like I'm proving to them that I am not ok. I really do feel like packing a bag and going in volunteering myself to their services and relying on the fact that hospitals are overcrowded and underfunded so I could be in and then back out in no time at all, with a gold star for compliance, and then being able to keep on going with my life, only this time much quieter than before and with extra damage to work out.

This sucks so much. It hurts so much

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Just wanted to send down a care package to the nest (once the image comes through, I think it's got some supplies in a backpack) @CheerBear. You're doing a good job weathering the storm.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

It is a terrible situation @CheerBear
If you did go in, do you have someone to look after your kids?

Iike I said, you don't have to reply, only if you want to . 💟💕

And it's ok for you to say how you feel on here.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest


Go gentle in your nest. With you tomorrow 💜
Sending lots of calming hugs and I'm crossing my fingers it goes well. 💜🤗

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I'm sitting with you @CheerBear. We will sit through this muddle together.

Psssst, do you want to know a secret? The reclusive Phoenix_Rising with the shattered attachment system due to far too many losses actually wishes she could come and sit with you for real. But shhhhhhh don't tell anyone, they might get jealous.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Nighty night @CheerBear 😴💟💕
You're doing well considering all that's going on. Keep resting in your nest.

Nighty night anyone else here. 😴💜

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I'm exhausted moving just a little is very hard and all I want is sleep and rest but every time I think I'm starting to relax I feel a jolt of fear and panic again and I have to calm back down and it all starts again. I need it to stop.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hey @Former-Member I've been wanting to say hi and that I'm thinking of you too but I keep getting distracted. I know you are doing it tough but wanted you to know you are in my thoughts too.

Sending hugs 💜🤗💐

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear Im not getting email advices from this thread unless Im tagged it seems. So didnt know you were here.

what are you scared of?

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