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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @Maggie how are you doing today I'm going to have lunch with the family today

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hello @Maggie, how are you today my friend

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Shaz51@CheerBear@Pepsimax@Former-Member@Phoenix_Rising Thanks for asking how I am. I'm struggling just like everyone else, but reading through the care here is special, it makes my day. Thankyou all.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I'm crawling into the nest this afternoon. Actually, collapsing in a puddle of exhaustion might be more like it. We left early-ish this morning and have only just come home. We've travelled all over the place picking up one from a friend's house which is ages from home, taking one to their fun thing, keeping the others occupied and happy out while that was on and we've done grocery shopping for most of the week. The fish are all in their pjs playing a game and I have about half an hour to stop during which I'm expecting them to come and get me or ask me for something or have a giant argument that needs intervention about 624 times, before I start dinner. I'm tired and I want a tag teamer person tonight. I hate wanting a tag teamer person. I like not wanting one.

One of the furry babies has been sneezing and now has a very watery eye, and I have a gut feeling that I need to get to a vet. I don't know whether I need to go tonight or not and I really don't want to have to get everyone back up and out. I really really don't want cat to get worse though. So much 😞

I'm snuggling down for a moment waiting for all the hectic to settle and I'll figure it out.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear What's a tag teamer person??? Hope you managed some rest, you sure sound like you need it. It's Sunday tomorrow will you manage some you time? Thinking of you.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Maggie - someone to share the load with is a tag teamer person. Someone to watch the kids so I can take cat to the vet, or someone to share some of the driving or cooking or sorting out arguments. Even just someone who can see that I'm tired and will sit with me while I have a cup of tea and try to find some energy.

Cat is snuggled up on me which is really out of character. I feel very sad seeing them like this. I should call one of the big vet clinic hospital places. I have to get dinner done first just in case they tell me to bring puss in.

Tomorrow is a home day (pending the cat/vet thing). I'll do all the back to school stuff but it should be less busy.

I'm sorry you're struggling. I hope your day has been ok? 💛

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear Hope cat is ok. Try to get some rest. Wish I could do More/something to help.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thank you for listening @Maggie. It helps a lot.

Off to do dinner. I didn't get 624 visits from the kids so that's a win at least

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good evening @Maggie @Shaz51 @Former-Member @Pepsimax @mudsum @CheerBear and anyone else who is in the nest this evening. Gee @CheerBear it's a good thing you built such a big nest - it gets rather full sometimes doesn't it!

I had a bit of a frustrating day. I sat down to do something productive at the computer and my NBN battery box thingy was beeping at me. Who knew that the battery needs to be replaced every couple of years! I don't remember the government telling any of us that when they were doing all the advertising of how awesome the NBN would be!!!!!! Forty dollars later, I've managed to placate it with a new battery. Grrrrrrr. I was super anxious that something would go wrong and I would lose my internet. It definitely wasn't as easy to change the battery as it looks on the youtube videos!!! It is a super tight fit and I can see that many people, such as the elderly, wouldn't be able to do it on their own. Just another one of those "little things" that can cause a major headache.

Anyway, so the drive to the battery place and the anxiety of dealing with this wiped me out and thus I didn't get done what I had wanted to. Oh well, tomorrow is another day.

On a more positive note, as part of operation heal brain, I have made a deal with myself that it is ok to sleep as much as my body needs me to, but when I DO eventually get out of bed, the first thing I have to do is ride my exercise bike. Thus both yesterday and today I rode 10km. Today it took me four minutes less than yesterday. I figure if this is the ONLY thing I do each day, that is ok because it is a step towards healing my puddled brain. Well done me!

@CheerBear it sounds like you had a very full on day, probably made more full on by the nightmares of last night. I'm glad I can sleep in your pocket and thus hopefully help a tinsy tiny bit with the nightmares. Did Big enjoy their special thing today?

Hey guess what? When I was out getting the battery, I passed one of those little pop-up stalls in Westfield, and it was selling novelty slippers. They had unicorns!!!!!! It immediately made me think of you. Sadly they didn't have turtles though (obviously I would have bought them if they did).

I am sorry to hear that cat is sick @CheerBear. It sounds like it may be cat flu. If so, it would be best for him/her to see a vet, but it isn't a super emergency that needs to be attended to tonight. Depending on how bad it is, most cats get over cat flu on their own, but the vet will often give antibiotics to avoid any sort of secondary infection developing. Of course I could be totally wrong and it could be something else entirely.

I'm not planning to stick around too much tonight. I'm going to aim for an early night and thus hopefully a relatively early rise tomorrow. I hope everyone has a restful Sunday.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I couldn't get on to anyone to ask what to do but found somewhere that is open first thing tomorrow morning for general consultations so I'll call then. I feel awful because I noticed the sneeze yesterday but still went out for the day and last night. I couldn't shake the feeling that I should have done something yesterday and when I got home I could see that it had gotten lots worse 😞

I'm thinking a bit clearer now and can see that this is a trigger thing. I lost my biggest pet love in a really crushing way and it still haunts me sometimes. I have trouble getting rid of the images and still feel big pain about it. It took ages for me to bring myself to getting another one and seeing this one sick has made my head jump straight into worst case scenario and awful feelings of this is all happening again. I'll snuggle with them tonight and try to remember that things are different now. I can do what I can and need and it won't be the same, no matter what plays out. Things are different now.

I'm all over the place but I think I'm getting quicker at finding my calm (or calm-er). Maybe. Hopefully. I'm so tired.
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