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I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.
In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.
Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.
I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.
Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.
@CheerBear giggle, yes kids, animals AND violins would definitely be chaos! I went to a suzuki violin workshop last year, where I was one of only two adult learners in a sea of kids. It was pretty funny. I was very scared for the wellbeing of my violin with all the kids racing around. Every now and again a kid would drop their violin and I could feel the anxiety exuding from the parents watching.
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
I can so much relate to those parents @Phoenix_Rising. I feel myself often holding my breath and needing breath to close my eyes with mine!
In response to: I'm in a nest
Unknown userMember
Re: I'm in a nest
I'd love to hear you play the violin @Phoenix_Rising💗 My girl had lessons for a short while, but the teacher was discouraging, not encouraging. Grr! He put her off playing. 😡😕
Only happy movies from now on @CheerBear😊
In response to: I'm in a nest
MazaritaSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Good morning, @CheerBear,
We are online at about the same time today so thought I'd drop by and say hi, CB. I had a weird and epic dream last night that involved me going into the process of serious illness and death. I woke up very alert and keen to get out of my bed! No sign of this in RL, thank goodness. Still feeling a bit startled by the dream though. Aside from that, feeling okay today after big walking yesterday and social visits beyond my usual norm. It was a good day in those ways and fun to end it at the Friday Feast. Anything on today for you and the little fish? I read on Niqua's thread that you are somewhere else at the moment and that it is lovely. Hope there's lots of birdsong to sing you all through the day.
Good morning too to @Phoenix_Rising@Former-Member@Zoe7@Shaz51 and all who pass by this thread. Hope it's a good one for you!
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Good morning @Mazarita💗😊
Your dream sounds really yuck and I can understand why you'd be keen on getting out of bed after it. I feel a little off for a while in the mornings following scary dreams. I love hearing you've been out and about socialising and enjoying company and can appreciate how it can be a stretch to get out and do it. It's often worth it in the end though. Friday night feast is a great way to end the week, though I think I'm still shuddering a little at the jelly ideas!
Today we're heading out (very soon) to our weekly outing. The LF really love it and I enjoy that they have an outlet for energy and creativity that doesn't involve too much work from me. After that we're spending the day with the bikes taking some new stunt pegs for a test drive. Together with the stunt ramp, it should be fun. As long as there are no broken bones it will be a good day but I think it's just a matter of time before this one happens now! How about yourself? Any plans?
Hope you have a good day Maz and thank you for your good morning. Better run and get moving
X
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
mudsumSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Hello nesters!!
she lives shes alive and well, cold and drained, tired and lazy but as @chearbear said i have made it.
thankyou for being here friends. even though i've not been here nice to come back.
@Chearbear oh your descriptive little blurb about being hiding in a cave was so beautifully written. a trait that you should value. both you and phoenix i have seen such a beautiful way of writting. i know things can be hard and lonely but you bring such a joy to me here and i am giving you a huge thankyou for that!!!!!!!
@Phoenix_Rising- wowowow you play the violin as well as the other things you do. sounds like youve got some great things happeneing: volunteering can be really tank filling when it works well !! hope the ocean is being kind to you.
to the other nesters that shared about being single/partnered but absent partners and know the things take a toll and can be hard thankyou for sharing your stories. appreciate it.
As for my week. it started horribly with my car being broken into and trashed the day before court. (couldn't write any of this previously). it was a complete wipeout for me as one of the reasons i ever had to deal with police is that i had to leave my premises when it was invaded and furniture destroyed with damage that i needed to repair for the landlord etc.... when i walked into the mess of having my car broken into the day before court i freaked out. my neighbour found me on the side of hte road. thankfully little fishes didn't notice anything diffrent and couldnt' see me having my meltdown....
i pulled it all together and went to work as per normal. some how my amazing parts of self terrifically ranked together to appear at court where there was more mess. but i live to tell the story that i am strong. i am still here, and i did it all!!!!
court and police lost my papers but thankful for an amazing law rep that had me all covered and made things move.
as for me- post these weeks, my body is aching. when i have these meltdown moments i call it my- post seizure aches and pains. My back is in all sorts of unalignment and my head blury. i have tonnes of house work that has been on hold while all my eneregy is directed to surviving and other things.....
love love that people here understnad/ dont judge and get thetoll that mental health plus life is.
thankyou my pocket friends .!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
mudsumSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
@chearbear. you are doing an amazing job with your little fishes. wowowo they are lucky to have you. you take them on adventures every week. well done
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