Connect with people who understand what you are going through,
seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're
free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.
I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.
In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.
Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.
I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.
Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.
I'm surprised the birds have started waking here @Mazarita because the sun is still a while away. I wish I knew what ones were making these sounds because they're beautiful, and much louder than the little sounds the finches make.
4am is a very early start.
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
MazaritaSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
@eth, @CheerBear, the 4am wake is for a 5am departure by C, to get to work to open the centre by 6am. I've had a reasonable amount of sleep myself as I went to bed before 8.30pm and was only up once for about an hour before this. I will go back and get some more sleep before getting up properly for the day though. Feeling okay at the moment.
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
It's great to hear that you're sleeping better at the moment @Mazarita.
My big will be up in 45 minutes and the littles half an hour after that. Then my day will properly begin. If I wake up with less than an hour and a half before the kids are up I usually stay up because I'm way too grumpy if I have to go to sleep only to get back up too soon.
It's funny how quickly time seems to disappear when I'm on the forum though! Definitely makes the mornings seem to pass.
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
MazaritaSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Yes, sleeping better but a bit too much overall at the moment, @CheerBear. Bipolar tends to swing me a bit too far in either direction it seems. But at the moment feeling fine. I get why you would stay awake rather than go back to bed for only a little snatch of sleep before children wake. Time does certainly fly on the forum! It makes me wonder how many hours I have actually spent on here over the past two years!
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
ethSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
@CheerBear I have one adult child living in the ACT who is now married with a child of their own. I am in NSW. It's good to be so much closer. I was in the NT before the last 6 months.
The birds just started warbling and twittering here and the moon is slowly rising. Should see the sun and the moon at the same time here.
@Mazarita What do you have planned for today? I've got no plans yet.
I'm looking forward to a weekend camping at bro and SIL's property near the Barrington's. It's a permaculture and soulstice gathering and should be fun. I'm going to cook for one of the nights for the whole group - just mexican beans for nachos, pretty easy. Looking forward to providing for the group. There will be plenty of littlies there too.
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Finding the middle ground would be made harder with bipolar I imagine @Mazarita. They questioned whether bipolar would be a diagnosis that fit me a while ago (the faster cycling bipolar), for the reason that middle ground can be very hard for me to settle on. I was prescibed a mood stabiliser but didn't take it as I didn't think it was right (plus they diagnosed a different condition that the med doesn't tend to help with). There are so many overlaps between diagnoses.
I was searching through my profile settings one day and saw the time the forum has logged me as being online. I will try to never look at that setting again 😂
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
MazaritaSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
@eth, only plan so far today is to go to my friend's place for dinner. She arrived home at 2am and I happened to be awake at that hour so was able to send her a 'welcome home' text. Then she invited us over tonight. Looking forward to seeing her after her three weeks away. Aside from that, there is some admin to do on videos (sending files o/s for festival etc). And the never ending challenge of housework. Mainly I'd like to get to my still mountainous pile of washing.
Lovely that the birds, moon and sun are all happening, or soon to happen, at your place. Your weekend away sounds like it will be great!
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Your weekend sounds like so much fun @eth! I'll have to google permaculture - sounds interesting.
Love the sun and moon sharing the sky at the same time 🙂 A week or so ago, during the full moon I think, I watched a beautiful sunrise with both together. The moon lingered until late morning too. So nice.
Wish I could share the sounds of these birds with you both. It sounds like I'm camping (except for the increasing traffic!).
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
ethSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Lol @CheerBear re log on times. Me too! I too have found it hard to get the meds right for me. And I also have bipolar 1. Have had one changed recently but am not noticing much change yet. For me a mood stabiliser works well combined with an antipsychotic (hate that word but the med works well).
@Mazarita sounds like a nice day. I have to do washing too. But my other cooking group is not doable as no transport - they have stopped doing it for some of us. Only the ones with NDIS can have it now. Another gap opening up to fall into for the time being.
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
MazaritaSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
@CheerBear, there is indeed so much crossover between diagnoses.
Regarding hours clocked, I think I will just shut my eyes from now on when I happen upon my profile page!
We're improving how you access SANE services, starting with Forums
You’ll soon be able to use one secure login to access all SANE services.
For added security, members are now required to log in with their email address and password - member names are no longer supported for logging in.
If you had a Forums account before 19 May 2026 and haven’t set up your new login yet, you'll be prompted to set up your new secure login when you sign-in.