Everyday is a battle to live

hello

just keep writing on here, vent your feelings

someone will come along and respond

dont fret if you dont get a response straight away, we all still care

hello @Evie1

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@Evie1 wrote:
I feel like I gotta die pain is over taking me so I cheat death I'm gonna call SANE tomorrow the helpline to see if it's helpful

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i read that your pain is overwhelming.

How very brave of you then to think of ringing Sane helpline tomorrow to see if it is helpful

that is a great response from you. you put a plan in place keeping in mind if that was not helpful you might look at other options; one of which talking on here.

You are already looking out for you. be proud which is easier said than done when feeling so low.

i have been in that place. i am not there at the moment so can look back and see how I was.

Keep on fighting your pain for you.

Hello @Evie1

How are you today @Evie1

HI @Evie1@Shaz51@Former-Member@Former-Member

Evie you sound so miserable but I get where you are coming from. I know when I was feeling like that was when my BPD was at its worst. Living seemed to be too hard to get through each day BUT IT DOES GET BETTER!.I dont know if you have BPD but I found when I was going through my worst times my brain would always revert to " lets just get it over with" but now that I am better I dont think it at all, maybe sometimes it comes across my brain but I distract from it. The brain loves telling you the same old story over and over. With BPD as I wasnt being properly manged by my GP or anything I asked my GP to organise a "review" with a pyschiatrist to see if my meds needed changing or something. He found and said in most cases with BPD the urge to commit suicide is mainly becuase of anxiety and that we cant deal with the strong feelings. Also with BPD you are very impulsive so the brain jumps straight away to a familiar story like for you - going back to suicidal thoughts. The pysch had upped my anxiety meds a fair bit as he found I was on an extremely low dosage and once they kicked in I felt so much better.

I found the trick is to learn to endure that pain and know that nothing comes of it (ie. the feeling pain doesnt necessarily mean you are in danger or something bad will happen.) I learnt that if tolerated it for a while and distracted myself with whatever I got better and stronger. I too love horror movies and would watch them to distract or listen to mellow music like pink floyd to relax and unwind. I'm also an animal lover and read that you have horses and dogs etc. How lucky are you! I have a dog that is my boy so speak and whenever I have really depressive or angry feelings he helps me. Ie. if I'm sad I just cuddle him and you know they can tell how you feel and try to comfort you and if I feel angry I play with my dog to tire myself out. I feel if I'm tired physically the brain slows down a bit otherwise its just going crazy going from one thing to another and making up lots of stories.

Please dont think no one is listening, a lot of people may not respond because it could trigger them and dont know what to say. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone and I do understand how you feel and how scary it is as well.

Take care thinking of you.