Can't stop thinking self-harm/suicide.

@Atalanta,

All of my first (and memories thereafter) are about being bullied & ignored by family. They both came from large families where the kids would do their own thing and compete (the liberal way), but the actual DEFINITION of the word family means closer than a friend, not a stranger/enemy/fair game. If you're ever on the back foot enough and/or have bad health or not very successul (right when you need family the most) and if they just point & laugh/mock & scoff, then thats when it hurts your soul.

You need to put your survival first for a change and go/be somewhere (at least mentally) where you have yourself, feeling strong, and some things close to you that you trust and treat like actual family, and nice friends... and go from there. Seperate the definition of 'ancestor' and 'family'.

A lot of us come from a convict ancestral background and a lot of people have to actually stand up now days and stop the family degeneration at some point and say "no, i'm gonna be healthy, happy, strong, well... etc."

After having my breakdown,the competitive nature of human behaviour I call Darwin's "survival of the fittest"is something I can't take anymore, whether it's family , workplace,or society in general.!Fitting in with a family is like pieces in a jigsaw puzzle I'm a piece that never fitted.My uncle who I love once said to me because I was a fat kid I was seen as a joke.I was seen as "sensitive","touchy" but there are reasons you feel this way due to how we internalise our experiences.Yes basically "getting together"with family or relations mean s*** stirring ,intimidation or humiliating you.Many of us on Sane discuss this issue at Xmas when we are feeling isolated .With my depression and anxiety I know I have to avoid any circumstances that threaten my well being as at the end of the day ,I'm the most important person in the world....Still learning.

The moderator emailed me over the title of this thread.I am not the person who chose the title.

After having my breakdown,the competitive nature of human behaviour I call Darwin's "survival of the fittest"is something I can't take anymore, whether it's family , workplace,or society in general.!Fitting in with a family is like pieces in a jigsaw puzzle I'm a piece that never fitted.My uncle who I love once said to me because I was a fat kid I was seen as a joke.I was seen as "sensitive","touchy" but there are reasons you feel this way due to how we internalise our experiences.Yes basically "getting together"with family or relations mean s*** stirring ,intimidation or humiliating you.Many of us on Sane discuss this issue at Xmas when we are feeling isolated .With my depression and anxiety I know I have to avoid any circumstances that threaten my well being as at the end of the day ,I'm the most important person in the world....Still learning.

The moderator emailed me over the title of this thread.I am not the person who chose the title.

Thanks Atalanta,after years of therapy which was utter crap at the moment going through a "bad storm".Had to text the only person I have had contact with to text me and wish me birthday wishes yesterday because I was alone and distressed.I have done my best to escape family and after over20 years I'm still in their trap.Hope you find a way to if you are young don't allow it to inhibit your potential to do well in life.

Getting together with family doesnt always mean shit-stirring. Thats the attitude that they're in. You can be in any attitude... But when thats the only one they manage and you're way above that then ... you can only spend so much time cheering them up.

I now avoid family because I am in too much "flight mode"due to the anxiety I have.The sad fact is that no matter what I think it doesn't matter, because they are too ignorant and preoccupied with their own egos.I have spent many occasions like yesterday on my own because I won't put myself in those situations. It is only me that can see that there was something wrong in the family but it was too late for I had already suffered due to the oppression.

I now avoid family because I am in too much "flight mode"due to the anxiety I have.The sad fact is that no matter what I think it doesn't matter, because they are too ignorant and preoccupied with their own egos.I have spent many occasions like yesterday on my own because I won't put myself in those situations.When it does happen I suffer too much internally.