sad&stuck

One week and 5 days I went without SH-ing. Today I failed. Today I left my neuro-psychs office in tears after something he said which was completely UNHELPFUL. I promptly went home and turned to SH. I let my support worker know and she reminded me to take a look at my safety plan and distraction list. I wrote in my journal and waited for someone to come home so I wasn't stuck in my head by myself any longer. Now they are home but I still feel so empty and alone.

@STORMGRL101

We're here with you.

I hope you don't feel like you failed. In the larger scheme of things going 12 days without self harming is an achievement, be proud of that. How did you do that? If this situation was to arise again, what would you do differently?

hugs back @outlander

@CherryBomb The reason why I went 12 days was because I was in hospital and then a 'safe place', i arrived home yesterday. I have a list of 'sensory' things to do eg, bite a lemon, chilli on tongue, hold or chew ice, put face in a bowl of cold water etc and then do a 'calming' activity like colouring or drawing, writing in journal, bath, movie etc but i felt so angry and upset that I couldn't do any of that.

@outlander I am OK, patched myself up. Thanks for asking

Not going so well tonight. Kept busy most of the day, and had company of parents and still do. but I feel alone & upset. I shouldn't have to be at my parents house, needing so much support. I should be able to be independent. I have come to some realisations tonight and they scare me.

I wish I could let my parents know I'm not going to so well right now. When I get my weighted blanket I'll be able to grab that and wrap it around me and that should be enough to let them know I'm struggling. but I won't be getting that for a little while. I miss my old psychologist. I miss the 'safeness' I felt at the "break place." I miss being around the people & supportive staff there so I could go up and have a chat at any time of the day or night. I want to cry but I am holding back. I know it'll all come out when I go to bed later. I don't feel strong enough to resist the urges tonight.

It really sucks to feel like this @STORMGRL101 but you do have the strength - you proved that by admitting you needed help and going to hospital - sooooo courageous buddy. I know you don't have your weighted blanket yet but try getting a few blankets together and wrapping around yourself for now - they won't be quite as heavy but will have a sense of comfort and security that you don't feel at the moment.

Thinking of you...

Zoe