sad&stuck

My pleasure @STORMGRL101

I'm sorry to hear that your appointment didnt go well, but you did incredibly well to be able to go to the appointment and stick it out. That shows great courage and strength, even if you dont feel that way right now.

What are you going to cook for dinner tonight? I hope you have something yummy in store for yourself tonight, you defintiely deserve it after your efforts today. Do you have a favourite food?

@Former-Member Not long after I got home my partner got called into work so I had to rush to the shops, get stuck in traffic, get home and get dinner on so he can quickly eat before he leaves. Just cooking some chicken veggies and gravy. My favourite food is definitely pasta. It sucks that my partner is working nights because I struggle so much more at night then during the day. I hope I will be OK tonight because I've had such a tiring day I think I'll just crash. This sounds bad but I wish I didn't have such a supportive family.. it would be easier to leave.

So I'm thinking about what my psychologist was saying yesterday when I was upset & overwhelmed. He said the way things will improve is if I start connecting with people. Making little bits of eye contact and opening up. I told him I have a very hard time putting into words how I'm feeling and speaking, I don't know why this is. I don't know how to start connecting with people.. thats different then what I am already doing. I feel confused.

I finished watching the tv show I have been watching for the past 2 months or so. Hmmm, now what.

It's Saturday night and all I can think is that I miss my old psychologist. If I had the money I would be still be able to see her, and see the new psychologist who manages my neurofeedback/electrical stimulation therapy. I didn't get a chance to say bye to her, just made the next appointment as usual but had to cancel it and then haven't been back.

I just made a caramel cake-- my partner had been nagging me to bake it for awhile. So I finally made it but the icing was a bit runny and dripped down the sides and onto the plate. When he saw it he said 'what the f-- did you do to the cake!' in a LOUD voice so all the people he is online gaming with, could hear. He started eating a piece and then put his headset back on and I could hear the people asking him what happened to the cake and he told them and they all started laughing. He said but the cake is nice, so im eating it. Well of course its still gonna be nice. GRRR. He goes back to his gaming and I'm sitting here with tears running down my face thinking well gee I can't do anything right can I.

is anyone around?

I am @STORMGRL101 ....

I'm sure the cake tasted wonderful, and your partner did appreciate that,just spoke too soon, didn't he ?? So the icing was a bit runny ... and he was a bit insensitive .... but you did do it right, cis the cake tasted nice .... ❣️

I am sorry you are feeling so sad .... can you get up and go to another room and do something small for yourself that is self-care .... anything ... like applying some hand cream, or brushing your hair ? You deserve a "thank you" for making that cake ..... give yourself that "thank you", and I hope your partner wakes up enough to tell you later.

💐🌷🌷🌷💐

If you leave the last piece of an onlinie jigsaw puzzle out @STORMGRL101, you can take a screen-snot and you have a copy of it then....

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope
I ended up having a long cry and going to bed.
Now I am up and getting ready to head over to see mum. I am going to paste a (fake) smile on my face and try to have a good time even though guilt will be eating me alive. I must write those puzzles down on my list of things I can do to distract myself.
I hope you have a good day today.

Well... I survived the day (tick)
Held back tears (tick)

feeling overwhelmed that its the start of another week. Told myself just to focus on each hour as it comes. Dinner is cooking now and in an hour I will turn the TV on to watch 'The Voice'. If the bad thoughts get worse then I will do some puzzles on the ipad while I watch tv. Fingers crossed for an easy night.