i dont really know how to react or feel or what to do..?

Hi guys

im having alot of trouble moving forward from this situation and any advice would be helpful

So when I was about 9 I was offerred a horse to ride as my mums boyfriend owned a riding school and no one ever used this horse as she was suited to beginners so they offered her to me and said if I do the work with her which pretty much included rebreaking in then I could ride her and take her to horse shows and do pony club with her and she was mine to keep for as long as possible.
So I worked on this horse for 6 years and had this horse almost perfect but not for beginners still as she use to buck but as I trained her up she was so trusting of me she almost seemed like another horse for other people and she hated other people riding her. I took her to pony club, beach rides, road rides and taught her how to travel on a float and came home with many ribbons even if they were 5th it didnt matetr to me. This horse was my best friend and I spent every waking hour with her when I wasnt at school.
After these years though, mum and her boyfriend broke up and without a word or warning, my mum got a phone call saying that if I was to enter the property they would call the police on me. I never even got to say goodbye to her 😞

it breaks my heart every time I think about her. And my sister- her pop s the one who owns the horse so my sisters still Is allowed on the property and when she goes up there she talks about her without the intention of hurting me but it breaks my heart every single day. I havent felt the same about horses since nor have I been able to form a connection with one since then and this was 6 years ago 😞

and do you know what makes it worse, where I live the property is pretty much at the back of our house and theres abike track and every now and then I go for a walk along there ad I see her and I call her and she knows who it is I can see it in her eyes but she cant come over as theres far to much gap between the fence and where I am. Sometime I wish I could just jump the fence and go see her. I miss her so much