Songs That Resonate With You

Of cause you miss your mum worse than ever @soul, she's always been there, and now she's not. It just wouldn't feel right.

Its like a black hole has emerged in the space your mum once had on earth and it wants to suck everything into it. Well, that's how I describe my early days grief experience. Its hard to think of anything else - but you must keep trying 🌿

Its difficult your siblings have made you feel estranged. We are in the perfect position to help each other, even just by being there. I don't get why this has to be so complex in families, being polite isn't rocket science, sweat or muscle power. Stupid resentment and competitiveness and oneupmanship games or something.

Too bad if they resent you moving away.after helpung youe mum, they could appreciate the time you were there and did help with. One of my brothers refuses to help my parents because "we will never get that support when our time comes" I think that's like the worst excuse ever.

We're all just doing the best we can Soul, you included. We can't bring them back, just find a way to honour their memory as best we can. Hang in there 🌷🌿

😢 @soul

I cant imagine how much harder it must make it to have family dynamics like that at a time like this. I really feel for you at the moment.

That is so sad @soul.

Makes me reconsider my resentment toward my own sister. I have often thought if she was not at home with mum I would have little to do with her. Maybe I need to try harder to move on.

It is possible through... in some instances... to move past whatever has gone before.

I was not there due to my darling being unwell but recently at a funeral for one of cousins my mum went up to his farther (her brother) who she had ignored for over 25 years and gave him a hug. (Also a breakdown over caring for an ageing mother) Everyone there was stunned. (In a good way) Point being there is hope. I did not think that would ever happen. I dont know where that leaves them now but it is a huge start.

I trust that one day your siblings may be able to accept you again and that you can all as a family may find healing.

Do your children have contact with your siblings @soul or are they on the outer also?

You dont have to answer that if it is too hard to talk about.

@Determined - They weren't even acknowledged at the hospital after not having seen each other for years. When I moved away, I asked my sister if she would store a few boxes of my belongings at her place (she lives on acreage and has a massive home and six car garage - only had one son still living there at the time) She flatly refused and told me that Mum couldn't have them in her garage either (despite it being empty) as she wouldn't want the clutter.

Her kids are older than mine and when they were young, I babysat them, took them on holiday with us and spoilt them rotten at birthdays and Christmas. It was never reciprocated. My sister and I weren't that close growing up even though we were only two years apart and shared a bedroom. She was the goody two shoes and could do no wrong.

All three of my siblings married their first boy/girlfriend and moved out of home at that time. I was independent straight out of uni and got a job 1500kms away. Had a few boyfriends and then married a narcissicist who had affairs, one when he was 40 with a teenager who fathered his child who he didn't disclose until I found out by accident. He denied it was his to me but refused to take a DNA test. He was paying child support (I found the paperwork) but stopped and smugly told me he had minimised his income to avoid it. He kicked his daughter out of home with just the clothes she was wearing because he thought she was lazy, leaving her no option but to call the police in order to get her stuff (I was overseas at the time - big guilt trip over that) Even took her dog to his girlfriend's mother's place to hide it. Has had no communication with her for two years.

He stole a heap of money from our accounts but that's a whole other story. Now, I'm really rambling but it's good to get it out. My brother just said that I should have known what he was like and my sister said that there's always two sides to the story. I asked my girlfriend to help and without any hesitation she let her stay with her family until I got back to Australia and sorted something out for her.

So the answer to your question is no.

Mind you it hasn't always been bad between my sister. We were closest just before our father passed away when she did briefly step up and helped out. Since then I have made several attempts to rekindle that relationship but she is not interested. My brother has told me that he can only remember us fighting when we were kids and we have nothing in common so doesn't see the purpose in getting together. He has criticised my children saying he can't talk to them and that it's not him as he talks to the kids of his friends. Whenever we were communicating, he would never enquire about them.

My kids do have contact via Facebook with their cousins though which is nice. Via this channel, I learnt just today that my brother and sister and their spouses are off overseas for a holiday next Friday. Since this is something that is usually planned in advance, I find it strange that they would have been happy to just leave Mum and not even tell me.

Anyway, I have no influence over their actions only my reaction. That's what I keep telling myself. @Determined@Former-Member