Feeling disconnected from my family at the moment

@Mazarita I think you are probably right in saying the tears are from my depression. Perhaps the disconnection is from my depression too? When I feel depressed, I withdraw quite a bit inside myself.

My profile picture got changed because it is in remembrance of my best friend who took her own life a decade ago (last week would've been her birthday). I kept it though because I feel it reflects my mood at the moment.

My psychologist suggests mindfulness meditation for when I am feeling low. Also remembering my CBT principles I learned whilst in hospital. It doesn't always work for me however as my depression is reinforced by my paranoia and hallucinations at times (I am schizoaffective). I am kind of a lost cause with my psychologist because she doesn't really know what to do to help me properly (she admitted that) even though she is a clinical psychologist and the most experienced and most educated in the entire practice I go to.

@Queenie,

I do think the disconnection and feelings of alienation are from your depression. There may be other factors but it sounds to me like your depression has reached a point of significantly affecting brain chemistry (if it hasn't already arisen because of that). With schizoaffective I am guessing you are already taking anti depressant medication, as am I for bipolar.

How terribly sad about your friend. I've been affected by suicide too. Last year a friend's daughter took her own life. A neighbour I knew from the last place I lived did the same. A person I'd met on the internet and went on to collaborate with artistically also took his life, as did my uncle. Each of these deaths has had a significant impact in my life even though I was not very close to any of them. I can only imagine how hard it would be to lose your best friend.

I can relate to mindfulness and CBT not necessarily feeling all that helpful to deeply depressed feelings. Sounds like you don't have a lot of faith in your psychologist in general. Is it worth thinking about finding a new one? I've never had much luck at all with psychologists, have had my most meaningful and effective therapeutic relationships with psychiatrists. Are you satisfied with the treatment you are receiving from your psychiatrist?

@Mazarita I have faith in my psychologist, I just don't think she's had much experience with people living with psychotic disorders before. I could be wrong though. Unfortunately my psychiatrist doesn't offer therapy, he just does reviews and looks after medications. I only see him for 30mins maximum every two months.

I'm sorry to hear of all your losses due to suicide. I also lost my cousin when I was young and back then (in the 1980s), suicide was something that was very much taboo. It was like the family just stopped talking about him from that point on. He was only 18 years old. My best friend was only 21 (I was 28). Suicide is such a tragic loss.

You're right in saying I take antidepressant medication. I also take a mood stabiliser and 3 antipsychotics in order to keep me well. I also think my hypothyroidism doesn't help my depression at all (it can affect mood greatly I've read).

Hi @Queenie,

I take a mood stabiliser and an anti-psychotic also, as well as an antihistimine that is sometimes used for sleep (one of its side effects is drowsiness). It's my understanding too that hypothyroidism relates to depression. I asked the questions about your psychiatrist and psychologist because sometimes I have needed to change something in my overall treatment to get a better result for my mental health. As your depression is so troubling at present, it seemed like something in your treatment may not be helping you as much as you seem to need. I wonder if your thyroid being treated well by your doctor.

I had my blood tests for my thyroid hormone levels done recently and they seemed ok. I do take thyroid hormone replacement tablets however.

I'm actually cutting back how much I see my psychologist at present, to make my 10 bulk billed sessions last. At this rate, I'll completely run out of sessions mid year and will be on my own. I am not sure whether or not to be worried just yet.

@Queenie, I only see my GP and psychiatrist now. I haven't had much luck with psychologists (but I know lots of people find that line of treatment very valuable). I see my psychiatrist every month and find the more informal counselling he provides to be great (though, as you say, the sessions are fairly short). I can't really think of anything else to add about your treatment, it sounds so thorough and you seem very experienced and on top of treatment options. I really hope the depression lifts for you of its own accord, sooner rather than later. Hugs.