My childhood abuse - may trigger

For those of you who don't know my story here is a short version:

@Former-Memberthis is my story

Between the ages of 9-12 yurs of age I was sexually abused by 3 different people at different times. Two were family members and one a neighbour.

I somehow blocked it out of my mind for about 40 yrs. It wasn't until i started seeing a psych for work related stress and after 4 sessions my childhood abuse started to come out. It was devastating to say the least.

I then decided to tell my husband but was very scared on how he would react and if he would leave me. So in a session with my psych I told my hubby. It was so difficult to tell him, i was reading a letter i wrote to him in between sobbing. After 8 months I decided to tell my parents; that was hard. I rang my mum and asked if she would come with me to see my psych in the hope that i could tell her with him there for support. She said she wouldn't come and kept asking me what was wrong. i told her i am suffering depression but she knew there was more to it. One day she rang and kept pestering me so I blurted it out 'i was abused as a child'. she wanted to know by whom to whichy i told her about two of them but not one because he is my brother. I couldn't tell her about him.

For a week she was supportive saying to me 'we must go to court and press charges' but then she chnged for the worse. i remmeber she rang me and said 'i need to see you, come this saturday' but her tone was very harsh, she sounded cold on the phone and angry. I remember the night before having a friend over nad she kept saying to me 'you need to tell your mum everything'. i was so scared to go that i got on the phone and rang my psych and told him to pls admit me to hospital; i was sobbing, shaking, felt sick in the stmach. he said it would be really good if i did go and see my mum, talk to her and see how it goes and to call him after i see her.

Saturday morning came, i was a nervous wreck. hubby and i turned up at my parents home. my mum answered the door with a very cold hard look on her face. she showed no empathy towards me at all. just cold. i asked where dad was and she said 'oh no he isn't here he doesn't want to see you or hear what you have to say'. we sat down and she started yelling at me saying 'how dare you wait over 30 yrs to tell me about this; how dare you tell your sister first before me:. she was pointing her finger at me and yelling. i was sitting and sobbing so much. i said to her 'i didn't wait that long tyo tell you i just remembered now. i explained i had written a letter to her to explain my depression and abuse and she yells out 'i don't want to know about what you wrote'. she then turned to hubby and said 'you are not a man because if you were you would have come to tell me first', i turned around and said no he is supporting me and didn't have to tell you first.

as she kept going with her abusive language and finger pointing, i got up and grabbed my bag and said I'm going. sobbing so much i walked out of the hosue with hubby following me and my mum behind. she turned around and said 'oh well you have a good life and me and dad will have our own life'.

i got into the car and was hysterical, sobbing so much that i gave myself a migraine. i rang my psych and couldn't even speak. he told my hubby to watch her today and call the hospital if i needed to go in.

i got and went straight to bed, crying so much. For 4 1/2 yrs they didn't speak to me. i sent my dad a birthday card and present that year and she posted it back. i posted the letter i was going to read to her and she posted it back.

Then my grnadma passed away and i thought i would go. why i dont know. i ran to see them again.

seeing her was no big deal, but seeing my dad it was an emotional reunion. a hug i will never forget. and one i so need now.

during that year, she was becoming distant towards me. i would call and she would not answer or if she did she would be very cold towards me and after literally 3 mins she would say she had to go.

i then was in hospital and i didn't tell her thinking oh well she is not interested in myu life so i won't bother telling her. she called home and hubby mentioned that i was in hosptial as she wanted to speak with me. she then calls me at hosital and the abuse started again. this time she goes to say again 'how dare you not tell me straight away. and her last words were - you have betrayed the family. with that i hung up the phone and threw the phone. i called for a nurse and he came in and saw i was a complete mess, gave me some meds to calm down and said i am not to speak to my mum while in hosptial. that was June 2015.

to this day i have not contacted her; yet i so wish i could contact my dad. he turned 80 last month and i didnt' send him anything or even see him.

Coming from a european background family is everything. it is the main thing in a family to be together . but not my family anymore. My parents have missed out on my children's 21st, my 50th and now my daughter's pregnancy and birth. they have missed out on so much.

i am broken, i am hurt, i am crying right now; it's hard for people to understand unless you have gone through something like this before. i get sick of frineds saying 'oh you just have to get over it' easier said than done.

to this day i am still having visions of my abuse; i get very angry where i want to SH to 'get back at my parents';