Navigating BPD whilst living/working in a hotel

Hello @sunbear22 and welcome.

It sounds such a difficult situation.

I used to wake up to the landline but often sleep through the mobile phone alarms and ringtones.

Your therapist is sending mixed messages - about the medication, about caring, but not really listening.

Just wanted to reassure you you're not alone, but there might not be many people online tonight.

Hey @sunbear22, what a stressful situation you're in :(. Sleep is so important, especially when we're navigating our mental health, so to have it be constantly disrupted by rumination, alarms/phone calls, and worries about missing those things, would be so exhausting.

Having your therapist tell you advice that conflicts with what your GP told you would be so confusing, especially when you didn't have much time at all to talk to your GP about it. When you're already so overwhelmed, this additional stress of not knowing what to do can seem so daunting. I know it can be tough to book another appointment with your GP :/ so perhaps this is something you could also chat to your community pharmacist about too.

I hear how incredibly hard things have been for you. Throughout this suffering, you've still been able to recognise your strength, even if you aren't sure where it's come from. But I think that's a reflection of your own hard work and effort, and all the steps you have taken in the past to reach here. I'm really glad that you've also found the community to seek out community and connection from :), and that you intend to move out soon to offer yourself a break and to no longer be on call. I hope that the community is able to share that with you - since it is a bit later, there might not be as many members around as during the day, but please know already that you're not sitting with this alone anymore.

Hello@sunbear22

Sorry to hear that you are going through a really tough time. Your GP is the primary person for your medication. Your therapist unless they are a psychiatrist cannot tell you how to take them. I also find it a little strange that they actually texted you. Is your therapist a qualified psychologist or are they just a counsellor? Antidepressants usually have to be taken everyday. Sleep tablets on the other hand can be addictive and should be for short term use. Doctors don't usually like to prescribe them. Are you able to get some phone counselling whilst been in the hotel?

Hi @Sunbear22, I second the previous posts about not taking advice from a psychologist about medications. I'd suggest a medication review with a pharmacist - they know drugs best. Polypharmacy is a real risk and the meds can become the problem, leading to worse symptoms than they originally aimed to alleviate. Unfortunately, side effects and withdrawal symptoms are sometimes mistaken for peoples' mental health deteriorating, which prescribers address with even more drugs. And they only suppress those original symptoms, the root causes need to be addressed with talk and somatic therapies.

Which tapering guidelines are you using?

Can you divert the hotel phone to your mobile so it vibrates (potentially along with your smartwatch) to wake you up?

Hi@sunbear22

You might find this site useful to locate essential services in your area https://askizzy.org.au/

I truely appreciate your comment and you reading what I'm going through, thank you:) I agree what you say about my therapist, it does not make things easier and i have a lot to consider now

I read this the night I posted, right before I went to sleep and it was comforting. Thank you so much. I have an appointment with my dr next week and I am looking forward to a whole 15 min session!

Hi, thank you for your message. I really appreciate you caring!

I totally get where you're coming from about my therapist. She is an accredited mental health social worker with over 15+ years of experience and works in public mental health wards. I have been seeing her for 8+ years, but that's sometimes twice a year and sometimes 25+ times a year.

A few months ago, she tried a stressful therapy modality with me without warning, follow-up, or consent, and it was horrible. After I saw her again to tell her how it affected me, I told her it was unethical and disrespected my boundaries. She was extremely apologetic and agreed with me about everything. I told her trust would only be repaired slowly and over time. It was heartbreaking because she was extremely ethical and helpful with me besides that occurrence. I couldn't have been more lucky to have her besides that one time!

After the meeting, she sent me a follow-up text. It was long and confusing. I saw her again, and she said she wouldn't text me again and apologized for it. She said something horrible had happened to a recent client of hers, and if that hadn't happened, she probably wouldn't have texted me. I appreciate that she told me that. I think she was worried for my safety and went about it all wrong.

But this text asking me how I went at the doctor's and then giving me unsolicited drug advice—including telling me it's not physically addictive and that small amounts improve moods—really hurts. I think she thinks I'm okay with it because she told me she spends hours a week with and often gets advice from psychiatrists. It's just another thing I feel angry and confused about.

Seeing someone else would be great, but then:

1. I have to find someone I match with.
2. She was very cost-effective and would often make extra time to see me.
3. I have to open up to someone else all over again.

It is much easier to get help from someone who gets my thought patterns, history, and trauma, and who has been perfect for me for so many years. I am not in the headspace to go through steps 1, 2, and 3 right now.

The medication I was given is primarily used at high doses for mood disorders and low doses for sleep. If I wasn't late, I was meant to speak to my doctor about trying a different antidepressant, as I have been on many different SSRIs for over 10 years and I can't ever remember enjoying my life. I don't want to blame everything on her, and I know she has good intentions.

I think I will have a break from her. I will go to an urgent center for help or use a helpline if I have to. She will probably text asking how I'm going with the medication soon, and I will reply back with a reminder about the texting boundary I set. However, she is welcome to call me so I can politely tell her exactly how I feel with the interpersonal DBT skills I have learned in her class. :)

This is so much text, and you so don't need to reply or anything, but it really helps to get it out there.

I hear what you are saying. Thank you for sharing @sunbear22 

Thank you for taking the time to reply!

I won't be taking her advice, and I am grateful it is not long until I see my GP again. I did meet at a chemist with a reputable pharmacist and informed her of all my medications. She would agree with what you have written, and even though this new medication is not physically addictive, it can be behaviorally addictive, and I would hate for it to worsen my sleep.

I really feel validated with what you have written about medication side effects being mistaken for people's mental health deteriorating. I wish I had proof from professionals that says otherwise, but I don't. I am neurodivergent and have taken stimulant medication for a long time. I have gone to a professional for my mental health about problems I am having and have been reminded too many times that the medication I am on causes agitation which makes things worse, because being told that causes me to feel agitated!

The medication is a blood pressure medication used to help with sleep. The way I am going down is just by stepping down the dosage every few days, as per my doctor's and pharmacist's advice.

It took me so long to think of diverting the work phone to my smartwatch, lol. I really would like to do that. After 7:00 AM, the work phone is often needed by the reception and management team, so I am currently brainstorming excuses as to why I need the Google Health app on the work phone (which I can at least lock with a password so my team can't see). I don't really feel like explaining to them that I'm taking a new medication which has been known to make people sleep through loud noises such as alarms and phone calls.

Once again, thank you for your reply! :)