Day too day life -circumstances

Hi @ whom it may concern. I am feeling incredibly overwhelmed bye my circumstances and stuff like motivation which I suppose you could call depression.

Feeling very foggy, lethargic, drowsy, lightheaded and rather helpless against my circumstances. Which medication probably contributes to. Not sure what too do or who to be angry at. It's destroying me. -and most importantly what do I do too help myself or who do I turn too so they can help?

I slept into 11am and it was because it was easier then facing today. And now I'm up and have had a couple coffees and a few smokes and brekky. -I'm thinking... what am I meant to do??? In this terrible state of consciousness I am in??? Can't really go for a walk. Cause I don't feel well enough. And don't really feel like visiting anyone. Ignored a call from a number my phone don't don't recognize. Cause afraid of dilemma an drama and just don't feel well. And I'm thinking might as well just stay at home the whole day.

I pushed a friend away yesterday. Too protect myself. A friend who is on the same depot Injection. And in the same housing set up. And the mhs tried to get me on the same anti depressants as him. And I'm thinking. It's a set up bye the mhs and support worker sw and I ain't really happy about it. -it's their idea of social rehabilitation.

I've weighed up my options. Visit someone. Family. Friends. Or go for a drive and walk with dog. (Just don't feel like it) not a great deal else to do.

Was dealing with thoughts of guilt and blame for things going wrong and people dying this morning. (Common theme) and dealing with negative projections from others. And negative opinions about my projection. -as if they were all sitting in a cinema where my life story (reality) and my thoughts (mental in my head) were being played. -it's like they can all see it... and what they think and feelabout it. Effects me greatly. -it's hard rule out it not being true once I consider real life Instincts.

Will stop writing now.

Worried about my cat and dog. Because they need looking after and it just seems to hard. Especially the dog with walking and stuff.

Food for thought. Give me what ya got.