Dealing with grief and loss of my father, 2 months ago after a long illness from renal failure.

hi @Karloff

I won't say anything in response to your grief because that is something you're going through and its intrusive of me to ask more and presume to know things.

All I will say is that grief is the price we pay for love. You never lose memory of that person and in many respects that person move into immortality (in a sense) because they will be remembered forever. I realised this after my grandfather passed away 2 years ago.

They read this at his funeral, so I hope it resonates

Death is nothing at all.

It does not count.

I have only slipped away into the next room.

Nothing has happened.

Everything remains exactly as it was.

I am I, and you are you,

and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.

Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.

Call me by the old familiar name.

Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.

Put no difference into your tone.

Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together.

Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.

Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.

Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it.

Life means all that it ever meant.

It is the same as it ever was.

There is absolute and unbroken continuity.

What is this death but a negligible accident?

Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?

I am but waiting for you, for an interval,

somewhere very near,

just round the corner.

All is well.

Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost.

One brief moment and all will be as it was before.

How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!

Henry Scott-Holland. "Death Is Nothing At All."

Thank you for your support and reply, grief is the price we pay for love really stands out to me, very grateful for this.

I feel like my whole life was introduced to passions in which I adored, and sometimes can’t quite explain. Sure, I could give you an extensive and longwinded explanation as to why these passions such as film, art and music has been my best friend, since I was 5 years old. But through all this time of influence, and decades of being his son…it was him all along…he was my greatest best friend this whole time. The unconditional love he had,

where nothing was forced or set rules on ‘how to be’ or the ‘proper way to behave’. The answer to everything was always, love. Love it to death, more than anything you can possibly fathom. This is what made Dad the glue, our glue in life’s cracks. Unfortunately, his glue has now weakened on my seams, but through his legacy, our family, our friends, our best friends, the glue will get stronger.

My Father had a long illness too. I was surprised that I did not feel great grief when he died. I am saw his spirit leave his body.From that moment I knew he lived in my heart. Maybe thinking about how your father wil always live in your heart will help you manage the emptiness you feel❤️

@Karloff our grief journeys are really unique. Your loss is relatively recent, and it often is a while before realisations sink in. Trust that in time, the love you received will nourish you and your son. I try and focus on the gifts of love I received from my father. Fatherhood is such an important role/

Thank you kindly, I try to keep reminding myself of this exactly. I hope one day it becomes more concrete and secure of a reality in my mind and heart.

Thank you kindly, it’s very helpful understanding how relatable my early stages of grief are. In a way, it’s helping me normalise these feelings I suppose. To accept being not okay, rather than wearing a brave face reassuring myself and others that “I’m doing well”.