Death of an ex

@QuietHeart I fully agree!

I think death and grief is stigmatised in our society, and most people want to avoid discussing it - often due to feeling awkward about how to respond. Speaking to peers with lived experience or professionals trained in grief can help.

@Radder i think you are right and thats why now i wont talk to anyone about him unless its his sister as our friendship stayed and her relationship with him was also bad so we been chatting and it helps abit but at the same time it doesn't if that makes sense

thats why i goggled and found this cause i was so sure i couldn't be the only one who has been through this or going through this

@Moonflower2026 if you need to chat some more seeing we both are dealing with the same thing i am here xxx

Hi @QuietHeart

I have been pretty open about my grief with my family and husband. I think this has helped a lot. I explained to my husband that it doesn't mean I loved him more or anything like that, but just that we were really close and that it hurts. He also watched the funeral online with me, which helped a lot, as I feel like he got to understand it was a real person that I was connected to. However I am feeling like I don't want to keep going on about it to my husband, as it does feel a bit weird to do it long term.

I think you should just go for it and grieve however feels right to you and explain your feelings to those around you. I have done some googling, and it seems like what we are feeling is completely normal. So if anyone doesn't understand point them in the direction of google, or perhaps find someone who you can talk to. I have some old friends from when we were together who understand how intense our relationship was and checked in with me after I told them.

If it hurts, it hurts, no one can tell you to feel differently. Hope you find some space to grieve X

@QuietHeart @Moonflower2026 perhaps point people who don't get it to this: https://griefline.org.au/resources/grief-and-loss-support/

Thanks @QuietHeart. Struggling a bit today. Can't stop thinking about everything we did together and reliving our break up. It's like I am going through our break up all over again, which was like grief the first time. It is so confusing because I am in a happy relationship.

@Moonflower2026 i understand and i guess it also comes in waves like one min you feel you will be ok and then the next you break down. Hope this gets better for the both of us xxx

Its ok to be happy in a relationship yet still grieve an ex, i am married with kids and im happy but im also mourning the loss and you are right its like you are grieving the break up again so its painful

Hi @Moonflower2026

My husband i told him the same that its not cause im still in love with him but because i once loved him and had years with him and its sad etc he understands but i still feel crap to cry in front of him so i hide and cry

the people who have said things to me i say back well we are different i care for an ex maybe you wouldnt but i do i cant shut off how i feel and end of the day he is a human who lived and had feelings why shouldnt i feel for them, i just also stopped talking to them about him

Thanks @QuietHeart. Yes everyone's different, we all had different past relationships and feel things differently. Appreciate you replying so I know I'm not the only one and it's not so strange X

I had the same thing happen recently, not for the first time. I now live in Australia and he lived in the UK. We too had a social media connection but little else for many years. The way I handled it was that I wrote a eulogy for him. I didn't send it to his family. I just shared it on my feed. There are very few people who knew us together. But the process of the eulogy was for me to remember the positive things we shared. To remember what I loved about them. To thank them for their part in what makes me who I am today. It was a celebration of the funny, quirky, acknowledging that things were not all good but that we had a connection, at a point in time, that was formative and formidable. In a sense it was a farewell letter. it helped me ground that the time we had shared was over and new chapters were coming. There is a visualisation process that I have been taught, that once the eulogy is complete, you sit with it, hold your hands like a cup, imagine them within a bubble of light, with all the energy of the eulogy within it, and then, you lift that bubble, with them in it, and softly blow it like a dandelion into the air. The writing grounds you, the visualisation releases them. Obviously I don't know you. I don't know if that's too airy fairy for you. But I do know that the combination of those two things has helped me three times now. I hope it helps you. And if not, I hope you find the peace you need. Best of wishes.

Thanks @mourningbright