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What to do with spare time?

Crazy_Bug_LadySenior Contributor03 Mar 2015, 3:17 pm AEDT

What to do with spare time?

Hey,
So due to a few problems at work I have been asked to start taking some time off work. I will now be taking Friday's off each week, because I point blank refused to take 1 or 2 week blocks off.

This is for a few reasons:
1. I hate taking time off, as when I return to work it appears the staff that covers my work does a half-a##ed job, so I have extra work to catch up on.
2. I have literally no social life. I live alone, have no friends, and social anxiety and BPD make it hard for me to go out. Ever. Work is pretty much the only time I'm out of the house with people.
3. Being alone and without anything to do (while on leave) means I am alone with my thoughts far more than is healthy, which inevitably leads to a SH relapse and suicidal thinking.

So I suppose the questions here are, what do people do with time off?? And does anyone have any advice/tips for helping me with my thoughts??
I have an appointment with my psychologist in a few weeks so I'll speak to him too, but I was wondering if anyone has any ideas in the meantime.

51 replies

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In response to: What to do with spare time?

Crazy_Bug_LadySenior Contributor25 Mar 2015, 5:50 pm AEDT

Re: What to do with spare time?

Hey @PeppiPatty

I've actually not been doing anything I mentioned on Fridays, I've been busy with other stuff. I suppose that's not a bad thing, but I can kinda feel the panic creeping in that I am getting behind with everything, and I've convinced my boss to let me come into work on Friday for a half day, and have a half day next Thusday too. But I'm kinda worrying about stuff outsode of work, and stuff at work and feel like I can't escape the panic. So the bad thoughts are surfacing. Not too bad at the moment, I'm sorta pushing it to the back of my mind until I have a chance to try and properly think it out. Not planning on acting on them, but trying the whole DBT thing. If that fails I guess my coping box may come in handy. 🙂

Yeah, I sorta push everything to the back of my mind (emotions/thoughts etc) till it 'explodes'. So when I'm having a meltdown I couldn't tell you a specific emotion I'm feeling, or even what triggered the meltdown. Problem is, I am so used to pushing everything aside, that I can feel the little niggle, and know there will be a meltdown coming and then I'm worried what'll set it off, and around and around till it happens.

So I'm gonna try and deal with it a bit tonight, and see if I can prevent it somehow. I'm gonna finish this post, send a report out (I am a treasurer for a committee on top of everything else) and then try and stop for a bit and deal with myself.

Putting the world on pause for a few days seems unlikely. 😛

In response to: Re: What to do with spare time?

EllieSenior Contributor25 Mar 2015, 6:07 pm AEDT

Re: What to do with spare time?

I certainly filled in my spare time today. I defrosted the freezer, then wrote a 3 page letter to the Victorian Minister of Health requesting funding for a DBT program in the large city where I work. I explained that it's cost efficient saving the Government over $7,000 for every person who successfully completes a year of DBT due to savings on police, ambulances, emergency departments, hospitals and society in general. It also turns people's lives around so that they can become more productive members of society.

I don't like to bring money into the equation, but sometimes that's all they understand. I've requested a meeting with her. Lets keep out fingers crossed. I'm quite the activist when I get going and I've also written to my local member.

In response to: Re: What to do with spare time?

PeppiPattySenior Contributor26 Mar 2015, 2:36 pm AEDT

Re: What to do with spare time?

@Crazy_Bug_Lady

how are you today? Don't know what your going through but remembering when I was in a state of anxiety........you don't want to keep Fridays free??

I remember when my youngest son was really ill, I was studying at University full-time, working as a cleaner part time, caring for children with a little respite.......not much and if had to go to hospital, just not go to University......Go home to my children's tutors, therapists.......

Those were the days of spinning world in front of my eyes......

It took years to learn to wind down............

In response to: Re: What to do with spare time?

Alessandra1992Senior Contributor26 Mar 2015, 9:48 pm AEDT

Re: What to do with spare time?

@PeppiPatty
Nailed it again with one phrase for me
"It took years to learn to wind down"
Not sure if I even know what unwound state of being is! Something to work towards...not that I don't use techniques like progressive muscle relaxation and mindfulness to defuse from my feeling s or thoughts but, BUT parenting definitely keeps my in a hyper vigilant mode a lot of the time...
Thinking this might be the time to start scheduling actual deliberate down time into gardening or massage or even napping..just to not be alert would be sooo nice...
Anyone else struggling with hyper arousal or vigilance at times?

In response to: Re: What to do with spare time?

PeppiPattySenior Contributor27 Mar 2015, 1:11 am AEDT

Re: What to do with spare time?

It gonna happen Sweetheart, You just do what you need to do and well..... Just be you. Take 5 mins everyday and write down how You feel about yourself. I feel that the better you know yourself, the better you can take 5 minutes to do nothing.....just be.
So hard when the kids are little.
I was ALWAys hyper everything till the kids moved out.

was thinking of you when I went out for dinner with my brother, mother and sister in law... They were all sitting in a group.....being loud, proud and very kool. I sat there, shared my meal with my sister in law who is incredibly thin, beautiful,,,,,,, stylish.....with their 4 year old asleep in a pram........ And listened.

Mum was showing off how much money she purchases them in gifts- where they fly in the world together.....I was sitting there thinking 10 years before I would have stood up and said something nasty....be hyper. Something....,but I just sat there and listened....I felt my mum glancing at me and feeling...oh dear.....I have ignored Anne .....
But it didn't bother me. I've learnt how to wind down.

I'm not living my life vicariously through my children.

(I'm not kool. I don't know what groovy films to see or what snazzy places to go to or have an incredibly kool home with fantastic family relics in it......

But I can hold my head up in pride because I have integrity
Proud consumer
My children are managing their own lives
I don't act like my Mum or Dad but I act like ....... The spunky woman who walks alongside. I walk to my walk, I do what I need to do.
I live in public housing.

In response to: Re: What to do with spare time?

PeppiPattySenior Contributor27 Mar 2015, 1:12 am AEDT

Re: What to do with spare time?

Clever @Ellie......
Hope you write soon ....

In response to: Re: What to do with spare time?

PeppiPattySenior Contributor27 Mar 2015, 2:05 am AEDT

Re: What to do with spare time?

Remember this is your life...........

Your life......no matter what: is individual. It's yours.
You remind me of someone who is caring and you show it through work....

Idea;
Do you think you can :

write down one 'job to do,' then write it on a piece of paper . When finished: draw a gold tick next to it and then write another job as number two ....when completed : gold tick next to that one ?

Then have a cup of tea.

It's just an idea ?

In response to: Re: What to do with spare time?

Crazy_Bug_LadySenior Contributor27 Mar 2015, 5:15 pm AEDT

Re: What to do with spare time?

@PeppiPatty

It's been a bit of a shitty week. I've been alternating between absolute panic and complete misery. Which is lovely. (sacasm btw)

And my 'coping box' is getting a bit of a workout at the moment. Coz when I'm feeling like this is when I have a big SH lapse, and I just feel so worthless and feel like everyone would be better off without me, and anyone could do this job better than me.

I feel completely overworked at the moment, and I've been pushing work aside for "when I have time", which has come back and bit me in the bum. So now I am not at work on Fridays, I am getting further and further behind.

I made a deal with my boss, so I went into work for a half day today, but only if I have a half day next week.

So I'm not coping too well at work, and then I have Fridays off where I spend most of the day feeling bad and thinking about what I should be doing.

I am so tired at the moment, and I feel like crap (mentally) so I go to work (where I feel useless), then I come home and veg out. And I'm a bit busy outside of work (it's show season at the moment). I feel like I'm getting more and more wound up and I need to *stop* but I don't have time.

Gotta go, I'm off to wash cows in preparation for a country show tomorrow. 5am start tomorrow. Bleh. Least the next show isn't until August. I may even get a break by then. Or have a full breakdown. Either or...

In response to: What to do with spare time?

Alessandra1992Senior Contributor27 Mar 2015, 6:22 pm AEDT

Re: What to do with spare time?

Hey @Crazy_Bug_Lady
Sorry to hear Fridays are proving to be really hard..
Giis on you for giving your coping box a good workout..so what are you going to use out of your coping box today?
I am really interested in how you are really hard on yourself about not knowing how to spend your time.. Well my friend, if you haven't had time off regularly then I am not surprised that it is hard to know what to do..
Maybe you could just do one of your coping box activities on a Friday..doesn't matter what else you do..but giving yourself permission to do something you enjoy on your day off might be a different way of approaching your Fridays!
Just one thing, and you can decide if it is for 1 minute or all day...
Looking forward to hearing about what you are using today..and..good luck with the Easter Show.. All your hard work will be worth it!!

In response to: Re: What to do with spare time?

Crazy_Bug_LadySenior Contributor27 Mar 2015, 9:16 pm AEDT

Re: What to do with spare time?

Hey @Alessandra1992

I went in to work today, finished at 1pm, bought a few groceries and fell asleep on the couch. Which was great, coz I woke up feeling worse than before, and late up to the farm. Ah well. Just got home from the farm, still have to hem my jeans, polish my boots, pack my bag etc etc. And I gotta get up at 5.30 to get to the farm at 6.30 to catch and load up the cattle. Sorta glad we get a break after this. The calf I led last week and his mum got 3rd place in their class, so we are taking tomorrow a bit more serious. The little guy has a fair bit of trust in me now, given I've handled each time he's been tied up. Which has been 5 times now. so he's still really new to it.

My friend got me a brilliant colouring in book ("There's no point being grown-up if you can't be childish sometimes." Fourth Doctor had it right!) It's called Secret Garden by Johanna Basford. It's got really intricate pictures to colour in, so it's really calming (like a mandala) and theres bugs and creatures to find in the pictures too. So that's gone into the Coping Box. I may try and do a bit of it on Sunday. I just need to stop for a bit.

I'm at the show all day tomorrow, and I was supposed to go to a breed society meeting on Sunday, then my parents in the afternoon for Easter bbq. But I put in an apology for the meeting. Given I am this freaked out already, I don't think a completly packed out weekend is a good thing.

I got a fair bit of the paperwork at work done today, I'm hoping I can somehow get the rest done next week, then the following week I should be on top of it. I've sorta convinced myself if I can get work under control, then I can learn to enjoy my day day off. It's the perfectionist in me coming out, and I am the only one who can do it. 😛

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