Am I just not wanted?

@captain24 you are wanted

someones abuse of you is never because you aren't wanted.

In any situation.

Recovery for me is knowing that ppl who dismiss and don't care about me, are the problem. U are very wanted here, by your peers.

I am exactly the same, perhaps less wanted, than u over here. I am flat out ignored, whenever I speak and I know this, my emails aren't responded to in any way, or you can see the cut and paste in them, with fonts of all sizes. Of course it hit me, but if we'er all not wanted, and all feel the same way, then who is "wanted?"

It does feel personal, sometimes, my advice would be to protect yourself always, you come first. If its better for you here, than come here. if you feel triggered, avoid. Both are ok

@Captain24 i truly understand this feeling but know that I definitely want you here. I'm sorry for what happened and how it made you feel, your feelings are completely valid though. I'm sorry we can't connect like we were before but I'm still here and i still care so much sweetheart ❤️.

Hey @EternalFlower and @MissGremlin

Never before have I had my cPTSD triggered. I was in denial about it but this has been and extreme trigger and I don’t actually know how to deal with it. It’s something that has never happened before. It’s making my life so bad. I could even mask at work today. I’m in complete unknown territory. It’s an unsafe feeling that I’ve never felt before. This feeling it’s self is where most of my distress has come from.

Ive just written a response to the email and I’m pretty sure they will ban me when they read it.

Thank you for the support and understanding from you both.

I hope things work out for you both.

Im going to bed now. I just have one wish for myself but it’s not a healthy one. If anyone is reading or actually cares. I’m safe. That’s what you want to hear.

Same same same @Captain24 today I got the same. Just coming on to respond to your post and then disappearing. I can’t anymore

@Captain24 i'm holding space for you tonight, i will not judge you, i feel exactly the same, have the same diagnosis, the same experiences and feelings. I was triggered very much here too, You advocated for me and are a strong person. Holding for you. I hope you will be seen as in distress and not banned. My gp always says to me "we don't punish ppl for being unwell."

That means being triggered and having cptsd (which a big function is battling triggers and flashabcks) is not "you" - holding space.

@Captain24 I'm sending you so much love and hugs sweetheart. I'm sorry things are feeling so hard and unsafe for you but I'm here and i truly care so much ❤️. I hope you can get some sleep sweet ❤️

hi @captain24 i get very bad triggers with my cptsd, usually at night, so thought i'd write just incase it helps.

During those times, I get pretty dark thoughts. I have a safety plan and I follow that, although most of the tools are things that are difficult to use at night. Sometimes, during those times i also need to "solve" things ie i ponder why something happened to me, and attribute a cause to it, like blaming myself for choices i made which somehow led to my abuse. I ruminate and obsess.

Some strategies on my safety plan include- watching a show i've seen before, making a soup or something aromatic, going to the supermarket and just browsing the shelvefs etc... its literally the smallest stuff coz the triggers are unbearable. I do call Lifeline as well as part of my plan, or in extreme cases, psych triage. Not to overwhelm these are just things i have done to "get out". Sending care and so sorry it has been so hard for u. Cptsd is very all consuming at times.

Sending lots of support @Captain24 @Bow

❤️❤️❤️

Hey @Bow I hope you read this offline.

I’m sorry you feel the same.

Im really I really wish you didn’t. I wish I could help you. I wish you weren’t going through all this distress and triggers.

Please know I’m think of you and praying things settle.