Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

Riding a wave

Phoenix_RisingSenior Contributor22 Mar 2017, 11:35 am AEDT

Riding a wave

Hi all,

@CherryBomb, @Former-Member or any other @Former-Member floating around Forum Land, will you ride a wave with me? I thought I would be fine doing something...but it turns out that the something has made my big feelings BIG and now I'm in a pickle...and there's nothing worse than a pickled turtle! I'm going to go and snuggle in my bed so I probably won't actually respond to you, but it will still super help me to know that I am not utterly alone on the wave. I don't want to tag anyone else because I don't want anyone to feel they need to respond. Thank you in advance for riding with me.

4628 replies

761 - 770 of 4,628

1...76 77 78...463

In response to: Riding a wave

Phoenix_RisingSenior Contributor11 July 2017, 1:23 pm AEST

Re: Riding a wave

@Former-Member I am curled up in the car outside my GP's office. She told me she doesn't know when she will get a chance to call the therapists I have shortlisted and I went into spectacular meltdown. I am regulated now but SO tired and SO hopeless. I so very very badly wish I had a "friend or family" person who could help me make these calls. I am frustrated that I wasn't able to find an email address for most of them. I know my brain is so scrambled I can't call them myself. I super want to die right now. Everywhere I turn the message is "I am too busy for you" ...so what can it possibly matter if I die. I am so so so tired. Thank you for listening. I will just sit here until I am ok to drive.

In response to: Re: Riding a wave

Unknown userMember11 July 2017, 2:00 pm AEST

Re: Riding a wave

Hello little turtle, that does sound quite frustrating if you are waiting for when your gp is free to start that proces, but from what you have said they are willing to help but unsure when exactly they have the time to do that just yet, that wasn't a no, this is just part of the process.

Try not to let it overwhelm you with unhelpful thoughts such as people being too busy for you, they care and we care okay, and this decision is for the best. It is great you have started this process, that alone is not easy, and now waiting to start calling them is another step that will be ticked off, just not just right now.

Thinking of you, and hoping you can do something in your car that grounds you before you start driving, but just know we are with you 🙂

In response to: Riding a wave

Phoenix_RisingSenior Contributor11 July 2017, 2:32 pm AEST

Re: Riding a wave

I feel SO tired and SO hopeless @Former-Member. The reality is I am not going to find someone next week or the week after or the week after that. I am just existing as my degree and my hope for a career sinks further and further into the past. I am SUPER struggling right now. 😔😔😔

In response to: Riding a wave

Phoenix_RisingSenior Contributor11 July 2017, 3:25 pm AEST

Re: Riding a wave

This wave is super super giant and I feel super super alone. I feel scared. @Former-Member you are right there aren't you.

In response to: Re: Riding a wave

Unknown userMember11 July 2017, 3:28 pm AEST

Re: Riding a wave

Hi @Phoenix_Rising - you are not alone on here. I'm watching the waves for you. I'm hoping you can stay safe out there right now.

Are you still struggling to find the way home?

In response to: Riding a wave

PepsimaxSenior Contributor11 July 2017, 3:30 pm AEST

Re: Riding a wave

I am riding the waves with you @Phoenix_Rising(here but not here)

In response to: Riding a wave

Phoenix_RisingSenior Contributor11 July 2017, 3:36 pm AEST

Re: Riding a wave

@Former-Member I am nowhere near even trying to find my way home. I know that trying to go in a particular direction is futile when the waves are like this. I know I just need to be still and let the waves crash over me. I feel super alone. The waves of hopelessness are GIANT. It super helps to know you are nearby. I am going to snuggle under my weighted blanket, lie super still and wait for the storm to settle a bit. I feel so sick knowing this is going to go on indefinitely, but right now I just need to survive right now don't I. That is all I have to do.

In response to: Re: Riding a wave

Unknown userMember11 July 2017, 3:44 pm AEST

Re: Riding a wave

@Phoenix_Rising I am close. That's right, to survive right now is all you need to do. I hope you feel comforted and settled just a little under your blanket. I'll be here over the next little while....

In response to: Riding a wave

CheerBearSenior Contributor11 July 2017, 3:50 pm AEST

Re: Riding a wave

I too am here @Phoenix_Rising. I can see and hear how hard the hit from this one is. I'm not too busy and I have time to sit with you through the wave if as well if you'd like.

In response to: Re: Riding a wave

Phoenix_RisingSenior Contributor11 July 2017, 8:04 pm AEST

Re: Riding a wave

This is really REALLY hard now. I feel SO hopeless. The suicidal ideation just keeps going and going. I don't know how to find therapist-take-eleven and even if I found her, I don't know how to start over with her. All I want is help to "gain and sustain employment so that I can get off the DSP." It just doesn't sound that hard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But that's the thing...it doesn't sound hard...and then as the story unfolds I have watched ten psychologists shift from "ok, that sounds easy" to "I'm sorry, I don't know how to help you." It's a big muddle. I know it's a big muddle. If it wasn't a big muddle, I could sort it out myself couldn't I! It's a puzzle with a bazillion pieces. I know that. I know it isn't going to be fixed in a day. But right now, I don't have any hope of even STARTING. I just want to START. I want and need to have some hope. And I just don't. I have no hope at all right now. I don't know how to find the first baby step towards achieving my goal. My goal is a thousand miles further away now than it was when I started therapist shopping at the beginning of last year. I feel utterly utterly utterly hopeless.

@CheerBear I will definitely be snuggling in your pocket tonight...and tomorrow night, and the night after, and the one after that...

761 - 770 of 4,628

1...76 77 78...463