Well that was a super gigantic storm on the ocean last night, wasn't it!!! I imagine that some others may be feeling almost as battle-weary as I do this morning. This is HARD. It is so so so SO hard. It should not be this hard, it simply should not. But it is. It is what it is.
Super big thank you for riding the waves with me last night. I wish I could say there will never be such a big storm again, but alas I can't. Indeed, I'd say it is 99.9999999% probable that there will be another storm just as big at some point. It is what it is.
@Faith-and-Hope I recall doing that pen-friend thing whereby our class wrote to a group of kids in a school elsewhere when I was in primary school. I had forgotten about it until you mentioned it. Now I remember that it struck me as being as pointless then as it does now. I only did it when I had to for school, and certainly didn't continue of my own accord. It sounds like those sorts of relationships were/are of value to you. They do nothing for me.
You mentioned that "when you are distressed and hurting you become very direct and forth-right (I know you are direct and forth-right by nature anyway, but a noticeable bit more so). This, without the intonation of the spoken word, can make you appear angry." It seems that even WITH the intonation of the spoken word, I appear angry when really I'm superly duperly hurting. I think this is part of the muddle. Apparently I come across as being overly critical when really, I'm desperately trying to process the bewildering and overwhelming pain of the muddle. People seem to feel like I'm attacking them when I'm truly not - I'm trying to process something, which due to how it relates to and re-enacts my past, is bigger than human brains are designed to process. It is a normal reaction to a very very VERY abnormal situation. 
@OhanaSystem I'm sorry you wandered into such a giganticly stormy ocean. I am looking forward to getting to know you better. Reading back through the posts of yesterday, I can see that you suggested I call a crisis line. I've had far too many bad experiences with crisis lines to ever call again. Most of the time they hang up on me, and if they don't, they tend to say things that further escalate the situation. The HC was the only place I felt safe calling. Despite the unbelievably muddled muddle, they really are awesome at the HC and I would never want to discourage anyone from calling them.
@Former-Member @Former-Member @NikNik are any of you watching over the ocean right now? Will you come and float on the ocean with me?
