Riding a wave

Forum friends are modern day pen-pals @Phoenix_Rising ..... I moved around a lot when I was growing up. To keep friends, they had to become pen-pals because I had to keep leaving them behind .....

I am feeling super sleepy from all my gigantic big feelings so I'm going to migrate from the computer to my phone in bed (yeah yeah I know, not ideal! ).

Just before I go, I have a question for everyone out on the ocean. When I have very very big feelings like this evening, do I sound angry? I have a very long history of being told I'm angry when I really and truly am not. TTT and I were talking about this the other day. I had super big feelings and she asked me (note I said ASKED not TOLD) me if I was angry. I told her (in my highly disregulated way) "hurt". After I had settled and could find my words better, we talked about how when I am expressing intense pain, it presents to others as anger. It was so cool, after we talked about it she was like; see, that's why I asked because to me it looks and feels like anger, but now I know it isn't anger, it's pain, and knowing this means I know to respond in a different way. How very VERY different is that to all the trillions of times people have simply stated to me "I know you are angry" without ASKING me if I'm angry.

So...just to be clear...I am struggling with intense and overwhelming pain. I am not angry. I am traumatised. I am afraid. I feel hopeless. I feel worthless. I feel shut down. I feel utterly alone. I know how to identify my feelings. When I feel angry, I will say I feel angry. I am not angry over this very difficult situation. I want with all my heart to talk it through and be supported to process it.

And now my biggest feeling is sleepy. I know you will be heading off soon @Former-Member. I super hope @SleepyPanda takes over Ocean watching from you. Good night Forum Land.

@Faith-and-Hope that would work for me if the person was a friend to start with. No one in Forum Land is my friend. People in Forum Land are online aquaintances - except for my not-friend.

@Phoenix_Rising, I second what @CheerBear said. Hurt and scared, not angry.

I have written to people I have never met @Phoenix_Rising ..... like here in Forumland. When I was growing up classes of kids in one school would write to classes of kids in schools on the other side of Australia ..... or somebody’s auntie would ask somebody else’s mum if their kids would like to write to their niece or nephew, or friend’s child ..... it was just more common to do that back then .....

In answer to your question about sounding angry @Phoenix_Rising .... when you are distressed and hurting you become very direct and forth-right (I know you are direct and forth-right by nature anyway, but a noticeable bit more so). This, without the intonation of the spoken word, can make you appear angry, if that is the presumed intonation applied by the reader in response to the increase in directness and forthrightness ..... so you are actually being very helpful to general understanding if you make it clear, in the way you just have, that you are hurt rather than angry.

In saying that ..... many people respond in anger when they are hurt. It’s not everybody, but it is a lot of people ..... and a statement such as, “that’s not helpful” would usually be followed by a few of these “!!!!!” which indicate anger, or exasperation at the very least .....

I hope that helps.

Goodnight little turtle ..... 🐢💤

I can see how people could interpret your responses as angry sometimes, but i'm super duper sensitive to anger so I often interpret things as that when they're not. MOstly though, like others, I 'felt' hurt and fear from what you weree saying. ❤️

Hurt and scared, not angry. overwhelmed.

I only hear hurt and distress now @Phoenix_Rising because I can’t easy separate you responses from how I have come to know you. I think when we first met I either asked you, or presumed, you were angry, but in response you told me you weren’t ..... you were just hurt, afraid and overwhelmed .... so then I just offered to sit with you .... and you accepted that from me ..... which I appreciated.