Riding a wave

@Phoenix_Rising thought I might start the day sitting on my rock stack and hoping that the water has become a little stiller for you this morning...

Zoe

@Phoenix_Rising

I hope you are feeling better today, the waves get rough at times I totally understand and endure it too.

I know you will be free soon, it will pass as you know and you will fly free just like the butterfly below leaving all the bad feelings behind.

Hi @Zoe7 and anyone else sitting along the shore. The day started horrendously, but after a MASSIVE cry to my GP, I feel much better. This is sooooooo very much what I need - safe social supports. You guys are super awesome, but actually being in the same room as someone (or, in my case, sitting on the floor with my head resting against the leg of the safe someone) is what I really really really need. If ONLY (A) and I could somehow figure out how to connect the way my GP and I do. My GP said again today that she recognises she has no idea how to help me, all she can do is try to keep things steady and stable. I desperately need to connect with (A). My GP is going to email her again today to try and convey where I'm at. I know I don't have it in me to try for therapist-take-eleven. (A) and I simply have to figure it out. As I said to my GP today, (A) and I get along just fine...so long as neither of us speaks! As soon as either of us speaks, the other starts to struggle - I get frustrated at not being heard and (A) gets defensive. When we aren't talking, when I am just snuggled on the couch feeling her hand resting against my back, or when I am standing on my head in the middle of her room, we get along great. So...basically we just need to figure out how to work together in a therapeutic relationship without talking.

Ps. I have the lifejacket and floaties on, that you sent me @Zoe7. Also, I super love seeing you sitting on your rock stack. You are right near the teddy bears that you and @Faith-and-Hope left on the shore, and also near @TheVorticon's sand castle.

OMG @Phoenix_Rising you made me laugh - and that is not an easy job atm - 'we get along just fine...as long as neither of us talk' - ROFL

catch up with you later little turtle - some self-care needed here also

---

@Zoe7 wrote:

OMG @Phoenix_Rising you made me laugh - and that is not an easy job atm - 'we get along just fine...as long as neither of us talk' - ROFL

catch up with you later little turtle - some self-care needed here also

---

@Zoe7 Well that's odd, it had exactly the same effect on my GP when I told her this morning.

---

@CherryBomb wrote:

Rest easy tonight, friend.

---

@CherryBomb I've been studying that winking smiley emoji and I think you are messing with my brain, and you know it. I super super like you and I get the sense that you kind-of like me, and I would super like to hang out with you in person...but we are not friends. I don't do friends. Friends hurt. They walk into my world, seem all caring, make me feel safe, and then they dump me. Since my last friend bailed out in November, I'm never doing the friend thing again. It just hurts far too much.

And now I can hear my uni counsellor in my brain telling me that if someone identifies as my friend, then it is socially inappropriate for me to tell them we are not friends. But I'm looking at your avatar and you look like you have broad enough shoulders to cope with it.

Hello @Phoenix_Rising, @Zoe7, @Change123, @CherryBomb, @BlueBay xx

@Phoenix_Rising I am not sure whether your GP and I having the same reaction is a good or a bad thing I am going to go with a GOOD thing - you do make me smile and occasionally fall of the couch with uncontrollable laughter - and Toby does often wonder what I am laughing at and waking him up while he is trying to sleep beside me

Sorry @Phoenix_Rising, after you had a hard night, I wanted to sign off in a way that conveyed extra warmth and nurturing, much like I do when I use the symbol, '' It was not to mess with your head. But I have taken your meaning of the 'f' word on board, and will not use it with you again. Thanks for letting me know.

@CherryBomb Awwwwww it's ok. I wasn't annoyed or anything, I just thought maybe you already knew my muddle with the friend thing and you were playfully teasing. Did you know that @CheerBear and I are not-friends? This works super well for me. Not-friends are MUCH safer than friends.

Hey...on a similar topic, did you know that during the tornado of the other week, you hugged me in your email? It was kind-of funny. I was SO distressed and your hug came out of nowhere and totally threw me because it was kind-of nice given how distressed I was, but it was also super unexpected. I had a bit of a Sheldon Cooper moment when I read it. I kind of stared at it and may possibly have said aloud "you are not on my list" (as in my list of safe touching people). I can see how it would have looked like a scene straight out of Big Bang Theory if we had actually had the exchange in person...and I WOULD say something like that in person. See you at FF.