Riding a wave

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@Catcakes wrote:
Ha Ha. @Phoenix_Rising... if you used that line about an elephant to an overdue expectant woman you had better be prepared to jump backwards because , feeling like an elephant already she may kick or trample you 😳

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@Catcakes And now you have a better sense of why I struggle with interpersonal relationships in the real world!

Good night Forum Land. It's time for me to snuggle into @CheerBear's pocket. I have had an annoyingly unproductive day today, but I will try again tomorrow. On the bright side, I did get a bit of the next installment of the DBT adventure written. If I can avoid getting squished by any buses, I will hopefully have it ready sometime this week.

It's TTT-eve. I like this Thursday then Tuesday appointment thing. It really reinforces to me that ideally, I would see TTT twice a week for a while. But alas, I am too scared of not knowing when victim's services might stop funding sessions, to risk using them up that fast. I emailed TTT today and I told her how I feel like I'm trying to bail out the Titanic with a teaspoon while water is still pouring in.

I so badly wish that I and everyone in Forum Land could get the help we really need. I hate the way everything comes down to money. I find it so sickening seeing people constantly being told to use their coping skills, rather than being actually helped to heal. I find it so invalidating when people tell me to distract and to just get through today and that these things take time. It has been TWENTY TWO YEARS. Exactly how much more time should it take!

@Former-Member I superly duperly like seeing you appear in the evenings. It's always such a nice surprise. Do you have your binoculars tonight so that you can keep a good watch over the ocean? Superly duperly big thank you for keeping watch.

Good night @Phoenix_Rising and anyone else tucking into bed.

I am armed with binoculars 🙂 ocean watching..... check.

Hi @CheerBear and anyone else interested in my adventures with TTT,

I still super like TTT after our third session. Trying to figure out where to start with the muddle is...well...the first muddle! Today I gave her the super long report that Fred wrote for the court case against the church, so by next week she will have a much better handle on the story. I also gave her the ASD report and the neuropsych assessment I had done a few years ago.

We discovered that we are on the same page in thinking that complex-PTSD and BPD are exactly the same thing, just a different name. I told TTT how I find it odd when people say they've been diagnosed with BOTH C-PTSD and BPD and she agreed that it is a little odd. We talked about how C-PTSD is a prefereable name because it kind-of explains stuff better rather than suggesting there is a fundamental problem with the person.

Oh guess what @CheerBear? TTT has gone to conferences by Bessel Van der Kolk. Yay for finding a psychologist who is actually interested in moving beyond skills-based stuff!!!

TTT mentioned that DBT is just the BEGINNING of dealing with giant muddles like BPD/C-PTSD. I responded by telling her how much it bugs me that so many people seem to think DBT is the end point. We talked about how it is super good for helping people to get stable enough to then tackle the underlying muddles, but in and of itself, it doesn't HEAL trauma. I super like that she understands I can actually do the DBT stuff pretty well...but that this alone isn't going to FIX the muddle.

I played with TTT's glitter jars today @CheerBear. She has a blue one and an orange one. I started playing with them around the same time that TTT left the room to hunt down a weighted blanket for me from another psychologist's room - clearly there was some melting down in today's session! Melting down is icky...but having a psychologist who has glitter jars to play with and soft toys to cuddle and who finds you a weighted blanket definitely makes for less ickiness!

Oh and earlier in the session, before the meltdown, I showed TTT how I can stand on my head. She was suitably impressed. I super like how big her office is. She has lots of space for me to show off my head-standing ability.

I think that's it for this week's TTT report. I really am super excited to have found her. Unmuddling the muddle is going to be sooooooo hard, but I am so relieved that I have finally found the right person to help me do it.

@Former-Member @Former-Member @NikNik