Riding a wave

Hi @Phoenix_Rising. I hope the ocean is as calm as it can be today. 🌷🐢

I know you’re not going to be around much for a while, but I wondered if I could ask you a question, please? (Well, I guess I just did, but another one …) 😊

Do you have any favourite books or journal articles about attachment theory (or other attachment stuff/ideas)? Or author/researcher? Or just anything you can recommend as worth reading? I’m interested to read more (knowing this is a massive part of my muddle) and while I still have access to a uni library, I thought I’d ask my sage acquaintance. 😊 It’s totally not urgent so no need to reply straight away, or even at all.

I also wanted to drop this off for you: The Very Noisy Bear by Nick Bland. 📚

Good evening @Former-Member,

I hope you have had some good in your day. I have had a peaceful day - which is super nice.

Oooh it sounds like we are doing a book exchange.

The book I would suggest starting with in terms of attachment theory is this one:

Attachment in adulthood: Structure, dynamics, and change. It is by Mario Mikulincer and Phillip Shaver. I have the 2007 edition, but I just checked the book depository and it seems a second edition was published a month ago!!! https://www.bookdepository.com/Attachment-in-Adulthood--Second-Edition/9781462533817

The book has a MASSIVE reference list, so if you start with this one, it will guide you to other relevent literature.

The seminal work on attachment theory was done by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth. You will find them heavily referenced by Mikulincer and Shaver. Therefore, I would suggest starting with Mikulincer and Shaver and then if you want to go back to where it all began, go and hunt out the works of Bowlby and Ainsworth.

Be aware that this stuff can make for tricky reading. At least, I found it tricky and it sounds like you and I have similar stories in some ways. It was tricky in terms of the sense of "if only..." if that makes sense. However, I find that I am ok with that feeling because it tends to be mixed with a super big dose of validation and a sense of knowing that my muddle is a normal reaction to a very abnormal situation, rather than that there is anything "wrong" with me.

Have fun!

You are a super star, @Phoenix_Rising. ⭐️🐢⭐️ Thank you so much. I knew you were the right turtle to ask. 😊

My uni library even has an e-book version of the second edition so I can have a bit of a try-before-I-buy. I’m looking at it right now. 😊 I don’t like reading on the screen much though, so no doubt the book nerd will buy a book-book.

Thank you for the heads up about the ‘if only’ trickiness (which makes so much sense). I could really do with a super big dose of validation.

I’m glad you’ve had a peaceful day. My day has been a quiet one, too. I’m getting a head start on uni reading (thankfully my brain is mostly letting me read at the moment). I’m determined to get through my last two subjects so I can finally get my useless 12-years-in-the-making piece of paper.

I hope you have a good night and sleep well later. Thank you again for sharing your wisdom. 🌷🐢

Happy Christmas Eve, @Phoenix_Rising. I’m going to be hiding from the world tomorrow so I wanted to drop these off for you tonight. 📚 Good luck with your shopping tradition mission later. 😊 I hope you have a great night and a super great day tomorrow. 🌷🐢

Ooooh Christmas stories!!!! Super big thank you @Former-Member. I hope tomorrow is an ok (or better) day for you bookish. I will probably be around here a bit, but not heaps. I really do have my own traditions and I don't find Christmas day nearly as difficult as I used to. I will be thinking of you tomorrow.

Thanks, @Phoenix_Rising. I’ll have lots of books and an Edie-cat and will do my best to pretend it’s just any other day. 😊

Thank you for being you, @Phoenix_Rising. I think you’re super awesome. 🌷🐢

@Former-Member I think you are awesome-er.

Merry Christmas @Phoenix_Rising 😊 I have been thinking of you lots and lots this morning. I'm doing a very quick hi here at the moment, but have been sharing the day with a tiny turtle in my handbag pocket. Hope you enjoyed your pancakes and prawns and that you got the book you wanted!

Sending a big hi to bookish who I won't tag as I know you're hiding today.

And a hello and best wishes for the day to anyone reading at the moment

☺

Thanks for asking @Former-Member and thanks for the book recommendation @Phoenix_Rising. I'm really interested too and would like to learn more.
I think I have some sort of an attachment issue... maybe???
But kinda in the opposite way to most people (I think?). I don't have a partner and I have never had a relationship because I can't have people getting too close to me. If you get too close to me (firends, family, partners) I can't handle it and I get really really scared and I have to run away. RUN! AWAY!

And I really want to know how and how to fix it.

But I'm too scared to ask my therapist.

But perhaps reading a book might help me a little and maybe get enough confidence to talk to my therapist about it too.