Riding a wave

Hey @NikNik

I didn't hear back from you about whether I could jump into your giant nutella jar...so I took that as a "yes".

I will sleep peacefully tonight. I am so very superly duperly glad you are home.

Good morning @NikNik,

I figured that the error issue was the reason I didn't hear from you. That's ok, I just jumped into your nutella jar anyway. Sleeping in a nutella jar is MUCH more comfortable than sleeping on a pause button.

NikNik...you know how you said you spent a lot of time at the beach while you were on holiday? I think maybe you dropped sand into the computer and that's why Forum Land was having error issues yesterday evening.

The ocean is super calm this morning...

I am still processing my phone call with TTT yesterday and the more I think about it, the more positive I'm feeling about her. She told me about all the sensory-type things she has in her office. She has glitter jars @CheerBear! And she has a rocking chair. And a weighted toy! How super awesome does she sound!!! And she had a super calm voice...but not the stupid sickly therapisty voice. It was the this-is-just-what-we-are-doing-now voice. Does that make sense to you? It is kind of calming and containing without being patronizing or punitive. And she kept telling me how long we had left to talk (e.g. we have ten minutes, we have three minutes...). This is something that SUPER helps me and she did it without anyone telling her it is something I find helpful.

When I told her I felt yuck about her insisting on the call happening from my GPs office, she explained that it was because SHE was scared because she didn't know me etc. Somehow that made it feel much better and she assured me that she definitely didn't think she was the expert on my life.

I'm so excited @CheerBear. I truly feel that once I get the stability of having that one safe person in my world who can commit to being there long-term, then things could potentially turn around surprisingly quickly. The thing I need most in the whole world is to feel safe. Once I feel safe, I truly think my brain will heal. I know you (and @Former-Member!!!!) probably super understand that. Feeling unsafe consumes SO MUCH mental energy. Once we feel safe, we have a lot more brain power for unmuddling muddles.

Hey...do you want to know something super funny? This is really very very bad...and yet funny. I will start seeing TTT with the remainder of my ATAPS sessions and then we will shift to victims of crime. Like me, my GP is super desperate to avoid any further delays in me being able to have my first session with TTT. Apparently she filled out the ATAPS paperwork and called the ATAPS people to get the fax number last week. The person asked "and Phoenix_Rising has signed the form hasn't she?" My GP apparantly responded with "yes..." and then guess what she did? She forged my signature!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So so SO wrong (as in totally illegal wrong) and yet funny. She showed me the form complete with my forged signature yesterday. The fact that I am ok with this rather than exploding and reporting her, attests to the strength of the relationship. I am actually super impressed that she would do something so amazingly wrong for the greater good. She really is the best GP EVER!

So...with my awesome GP and TTT, (and @NikNik working on the muddle), things could really start to be looking up around here.

@Former-Member @Former-Member @Former-Member

That is great news @Phoenix_Rising so happy for you 🙂 and I really can't wait to see a little pic of TTT's glitter jars! How cool

@Sans911 Giggle. I posted about the conversation in the "highlight of your day" thread. I am super glad that you have some experience of helpful helping people too. I think it is important that we remind ourselves and other Forumites that they ARE out there...they are just horribly few and far between and the unhelpful helping people cause so much harm, it is super super SUPER hard to keep on looking for the helpful ones.

@CheerBear How bad and yet how good is my GP!!!!! I'm pretty sure there is a rule about not forging a patient's signature. She was so funny when she was confessing to me. Given that she knows how strongly I feel about the power differential that exists between "experts" and consumers, I imagine she was actually very scared about how I would react. She told me that she had had a sleepless night last night fretting over how the call with TTT would go. I am so eternally grateful that I have finally found a good GP. It only took 39 years!!!

So... @CheerBear, do you think we are going to call TTT, TTT forever now? I kind-of think we might. The alternative would be J, but I'm so used to calling her TTT, I think it might stick. Hmmm...that means that TT will be seeing TTT. Methinks we might need to explain that to @Catcakes because otherwise she is going to think we are talking in secret code.

@Catcakes I sometimes go by the title of Tiny Turtle (TT) because I am a tiny turtle who lives in CheerBear's pocket. TTT stands for therapist take-thirteen because this will be the thirteenth therapist I have seen since February 2016. My muddle is extremely complex and thus trying to find the right person to help unmuddle it has been a super super SUPER challenge.

Super big thank you everyone for being here to share my positive news with.