Riding a wave

@Phoenix_Rising ..... I will try to work something out here .....

You had a miscommunication or “bad” outcome from appalling the Helpcentre ?

Are you afraid to call the Helpcentre again now to talk this out, or have you been asked not to, and to take it up with NikNik instead ?

Please only answer me if you are comfortable to .....

@Faith-and-Hope I want to answer but I'm not sure if I'm allowed to. I'm scared that answering might count as falling off my pause button.

The waves are GIANT @Faith-and-Hope. I feel like collateral damage.

@Former-Member @Former-Member is this conversation permissible within the guidelines ?

@Phoenix_Rising .... I am wanting to ask whether the person you spoke to at the Helpcentre was someone “known” to you through the forums, and if not, are you comfortable raising the discussion with @Former-Member or @Former-Member, or another Moderator you are familiar with ?

You don’t actually have to answer me .... it’s more about whether you can answer the question for yourself, and whether the mods are available and in agreement.

I hope this helps .....

I'm SCARED @Faith-and-Hope. I feel like Forum Land isn't the place to have this conversation, but...well...I don't think I'm even allowed to say anything at all about the HC. NikNik has nothing to do with phone stuff. That's why I don't understand why this part of the muddle hasn't been able to be addressed. I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared. All I know is that my brain is being utterly destroyed through all the ongoing trauma of this situation and I don't understand why this part of the muddle can't be addressed given it has nothing to do with NikNik.

The waves are SO GIANT @Faith-and-Hope.

The waves are so so so SO GIANT @Faith-and-Hope. They are SO giant.

I am swimming not far from you @Phoenix_Rising ..... and I have stayed not far from you ....

I can hear and understand the questions you are asking, especially trying to break it down into baby steps and clarify one part of the recent muddle ..... whether this or that is the correct or permissible protocol ..... is a correct ? You are looking to understand the rules and boundaries ..... and something about the rules and boundaries appeared not to hold, or to shift unexpectedly ?

Again, I am speculating, so there is no need to answer ..... I am hoping to help you by demonstrating some understanding, rather than just remaining silent as though there is no understanding, or it doesn’t matter, when it does ..... just wanting to reach you with some empathy around how you are feeling.

@Faith-and-Hope I want to tell someone so bad...but I respect NikNik and NikNik made the rule not to talk about phone stuff in Forum Land. I really really really need to speak to the person in the HC who has the power to unmuddle the muddle. Other super nice people can sit with me, but I really need support around what actually happened. It was what happened in that phone call that shifted things from being a storm, to being a gigantic Tsunami. The phonecall fried my brain...and the three week wait (thus far) to get a chance to actually talk it through with someone is destroying my brain more and more. All I do when I'm not in Forum Land is lie on my bed and rock and stim. I need help to process the muddle. I need help so very very badly and I do not understand why help has not been forthcoming. I feel like I'm being set up to fail. I am working so super hard at staying on my pause button until NikNik gets home to deal with Forum Land stuff. I simply don't understand why this part of the muddle couldn't be addressed. I truly do feel like I've been tossed aside as collateral damage.

I do not matter,

I'm only one person,

Destroy me completely,

Then throw me away.

My Like is that I am hearing you @Phoenix_Rising ...... and I am wondering whether you can call the HC and request to speak to a particular mod on duty ......