Riding a wave

You're not being bad AT ALL, @Phoenix_Rising. Your confusion is so valid (and very much shared).

It is not surprising that you don't know what to do @Phoenix_Rising - we have both been through one muddle which I am still dealing with in my head also - and this one for you is even worse. I honestly don't get it. I don't know what you should do either as I think this conversation is already skating close to the line as our first muddle - this is so incredibly hard

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@CheerBear wrote:
Is jumping on chat an option @Phoenix_Rising?

You're not being bad Phoenix_Rising and I know you're struggling in total stuckness right now.

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No. Chat comes under the same rules as calling. See? I don't even know if THAT'S bad to say. I am so scared that WHATEVER I say or do right now is the wrong thing. So...do I walk away from the computer? But if I do that, the suicidal ideation is going to massively escalate because the sense of being completely alone and invisible will escalate. But if I keep talking, I'm likely to say something wrong. I really really really need to be able to sort this out in private.

Hey @Phoenix_Rising I can't stand seeing you like this little turtle - it is not right. I am going to risk myself here...

@Former-Member @Former-Member can someone please sort this out.

Not only is it massively affecting @Phoenix_Rising but it is also affecting others as well. It doesn't feel like a safe place to be at the moment and that is not @Phoenix_Rising's fault - it is the situation.

I am literally begging here for this to be addressed....please!

@Zoe7 That's what I'm so super scared of - having a re-run of our previous muddle. That's why I feel completely frozen here, not knowing what to do.

So...

• Talking out the muddle would be the best possible option right now.
• However, talking it out here is not healthy for Forum Land in general and has the potential to super complicate an already complicated situation.
• I don't have any other space to talk it out.
• The suicidal ideation is rapidly escalating due to those core beliefs of being invisible and worthless being massively reinforced by this situation.
• I have a tool in my toolkit that I am very ok about using even though society deems it pathological. I know that using it will help me to stay alive tonight.

Wise mind says use that tool. I think that is going to be the best option tonight. I do not understand ANY of this, I am so confused, I'm starting to dissociate, but I know I can keep myself alive tonight.

Super big thank you for caring about me and for riding the waves with me @Zoe7 @Former-Member @CheerBear @Faith-and-Hope. All is well. I will not die tonight.

We don't 'know you' little turtle but we do care about you. Having spent as much time on here with you as we have is not because we have HAD to - it is because we want to @Phoenix_Rising. There are reasons why we all connect with certain people and we have connected with you. I personally enjoy our chats - serious and not so serious - and I love your intelligence, humour and directness. So keeping up your 100% success rate of staying alive is selfishly what I hope for - because my 'world' would be so much less without you in it!