Riding a wave

I am super super super super super super struggling. So...the plan is that my turtle whisperer will talk to therapist-take-thirteen to suss her out and give her some background information about me. Today I got an email from my turtle whisperer saying I needed to call the practice of therapist-take-thirteen. Yeah...that call didn't go well. Their whole focus is on how they are going to get paid for the phone call between my turtle whisperer and therapist-take-thirteen (TTT). So...we are in a situation where if TTT is a good match, they will be getting thousands of dollars from me (via victims services) over goodness knows how many years...and yet they refuse to have ONE LITTLE PHONE CALL with my turtle whisperer without first securing payment. I feel SO disgusting. I feel utterly objectified. Whatever TTT might be like, I'm now going into this knowing that the owner of the practice is extremely money hungry. I had THOUGHT from my research that this was a trauma informed practice. There was NOTHING trauma informed about that call.

I DO NOT MATTER, I'M ONLY ONE PERSON, DESTROY ME COMPLETELY, THEN THROW ME AWAY.

I really really superly duperly need someone here right now. I have emailed my turtle whisperer but I have no idea if she will be able to get back to me. I tried calling my GP and discovered she is away until next Friday. I am very very very stuck right now.

@Former-Member @Former-Member @Former-Member @Former-Member

The waves are GIANT @Faith-and-Hope. They are super super super super super super GIANT.

@Faith-and-Hope I really need my turtle whisperer. I really really really really need her right now and I seriously doubt she will c*ntact me. I so badly need her. I so badly badly badly need her right now.

I really really really need someone here in the real world. I really really really do...and there is nobody. @Former-Member. This is EXACTLY WHY my turtle whisperer and my GP are meant to be doing the co-ordinating of this adventure. I KNOW I have a near-zero distress tolerance when it comes to therapist shopping. I know it, my turtle whisperer knows it, and my GP knows it. THAT IS WHY THEY ARE HANDLING IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alone, alone, all all alone,

Alone on a wide wide sea.

And never a saint took pity on,

My soul in agony.

This makes me really sad, @Phoenix_Rising. And really mad at that practice. I’m so sorry they treated you like that. You are an awesome turtle, not a flashing neon dollar sign.

This is really really really hard @Former-Member. I know they are only feelings. Big big BIG feelings. Super gigantic enormous feelings that make me want to walk into my garage and end my life right now. I want to do that with every fibre of my being...but I choose to ride the wave.

Thank you for riding with me.

I'm glad you are making the wave-riding choice, @Phoenix_Rising. I'm right here beside you in my pod.

@Phoenix_Rising I hear you little turtle and I have grabbed Gen Giraffe and coming out into the ocean with her! I have my flippers on, my inflatable life raft, a rope attached to me and my rock stack (so I can find my way back), several floatie rings and my arm floaties just for a little added protection

See - I can enter the water when needed