How to move forward

Hi @BlueBay,

i went through this last year. It was horrendous but we made it. I really only had my 16 yr old to help me and my aging parents.

I think I was like you with the racing thoughts and worry. I think once you start doing the actual putting things in boxes and ticking off lists you'll find it's not as bad. You are much better at this part than me.

Im thinking @Faith-and-Hope will be good at helping you to get your brain into doing the practical things. Please know it's ok to feel the way you do. It is really stressful. Try to find those calming things to slow your thoughts. I know it's easier said than done. I'm not much good at it yet either.

Congratulations and I wish you all the best 💜🤗💐

Hi @BlueBay

It's so great that you have sold your house so quickly this time - I have been away and not aware of what was happening this time - but it all went well - fantastic

Buying and biselling your house and moving are very highly rated on the stress-scores - after all this has been your home for how many years - and you have your controlling mother who wanted to babyfy you in so many ways - almost as if she didn't want you to grow up and become independent

Well - now you have - and I am sure if your mother found out she would have something to say - but you are learning in your dreams that she would be a negative influence -

Ah well - big tick beside - she can't - you have done the deed and wow - really stressful -

Yes - you do have to downsize - I have done this twice and yes - you do have to leave things behind - either ditch or sell them - it's not so hard - you don't have to do it all at once - you can put it into storage for a while until you find your new house - and keep the best and necessary stuff - with money left over you can buy some new stuff -

Knowing how hard this is - think of it as exciting - and adventure - every time you start to stress count backwards for a bit and think of a new place - and you can pick or choose without your mother having a finger in every pie

This is great news - and yes - change is hard for you - we know all this - and getting physically away from the past is a way of getting physically into a new future

Great, fantastic, marvellous, wonderful - I could go on

Dec

Hi @BlueBay @Former-Member @Owlunar ..... 🤗💕

@BlueBay .... Here is a post I made on one of the carer threads last night ...

Hi everyone .... 😊💕

I just wanted to add something into the conversation here ....

A couple of years ago I found myself experiencing panic attacks in a couple of different forms without understanding what they were. Once I realised (in the back of an ambulance) that while I appeared to be coping with the stress of our situation mentally and emotionally, my body was capable of enacting its own physical reaction, I also became aware of how it felt to have a panic attack spiralling.

Then I realised that it is sort of like a virtual vertigo (spinning head dizziness that makes you feel sick) so if I could virtually "hold on" to things around me it would likely disable this spiral before it had taken a true hold.

"Holding on" to things around me is the mindfulness .... smelling, really smelling the coffee in my cup .... feeling the warmth of the cup in my hands and closing my eyes to concentrate on that warmth .... tasting, really concentrating on the taste of the coffee .... looking with the thought to notice the colour of the coffee, like how milky it is ....

Like deep breathing, this helps me to be in the moment with my intellect, and calms my body's fight-or-flight response.

I hope this helps you to see a reason for the mindfulness practices @BlueBay.

@utopia has examples of breathing exercises she has placed on a thread called " BREATHING EXERCISE * located under the Looking after our wellbeing discussion topic.

Breathing to stop spiralling thoughts and for our general coping ability is soooo important. It's the first step really, and if we reach for breathing awareness and deep breathing practices first, it can really stop things from escalating to the point of feelings so physically sick.

I am so glad to find @Owlunar with you here as well. I know she is a good friend who walks along your blue bay quite regularly with you .... @Owlunar 💕 ..... and is here so quickly already this morning to hold your hand ....

i hope this helps @BlueBay ..... as @Former-Member said, as you get into the baby steps of moving house, things will calm down a lot for you on the emotional side. Don't forget you are leaving terrible memories behind you with this house, from the people who have hurt you, but you will be packing all the good memories into those boxes in the form of all your family possessions, and moving them to the new house with you.

Once you lay all your precious, familiar things in your new home, you will see that your actual "home" is you and your hubby and kids, and the special everyday things that hold treasured epmemories and make up your daily life .... and that travels with you.

I have a friend who has moved house often. Everywhere she went, she opened the boxes and out came her family home again,a d spread itself into their new living space. Magic it is .... ❣

Hi @Faith-and-Hope@BlueBay@Former-Member@Former-Member

I try breathing patterns - I change the pattern from time to time because then I have to concentrate more

I use this to manage chronic pain - I also count and change those patterns too -

One thing that helps for pain is holding onto some idea - maybe that these things pass - or hit pressure points - but pressure points probably wouldn't help with anxiety

Packing up to move - ah - I hate moving - how many times in my life have I moved?! - I have developed a habit of ditching stuff I don't want, need or like and it is a habit - I find the hard rubbish collection a blessing

Yes - BB and I live not far from each other near Port Phillip Bay - but we don't know each other or where the other lives - I think we can be more open with people when we have this privacy - we can open those deeper parts of ourselves and share more openly here - and this is a real blessing

We don't have to create a face to meet the faces that we meet

Dec

Hi @Dec, @Former-Member, @Faith-and-hope - we're all here for you BlueBay. Big Group Hug, you can do this!

Hi @utopia, typing same time. Hope you're well? Miss you lately. Love your connection with nature and think of you often in my garden. Gentle soft rain here today, lovely, appreciate the verandah on days like this, still outside xox

Ah @BlueBay So many strong conflicting feelings flowing through you at the moment. Part of the answer is riding it like a wave or a rollercoaster. The feelings are you and we cant always clamp down on them. maybe acknowledging them to yourself, us, and your hubby will be enough to release some of it. Then the breathing patterns and mindfulness practises might have a chance.

Sometimes those practises are like using an icy pole stick to dam torrential rain.

Congrats on the sale. Moving forward will happen. Be there for it.

Cheers