feeling unaccomplished

would not feel like i was failing if there was no deadline or clock, it would feel like it was my opportunity to pause

I've given it some though and I've probably been burnt out lately, but i know that means nothing to the assessors. It's still going to potentially ruin my grade and make me feel stupid, I wish I could feel safe to unexpectedly cry in a space that isn't my bedroom or a counsellors room because times have been reallyyyyyy tough but my subjects are strict on attendance

@moodyahhhhh

That realisation is important. If the "failure" disappears the moment you take the clock away, then you aren't the problem; the timeline is. It shows that your skills and intelligence are still there; they're just being crowded out by a schedule that doesn't account for human loss 💚

It's also incredibly frustrating to feel like "burnout" isn't a valid enough reason for assessors. There's a specific kind of exhaustion that comes from having to perform "normalcy" when you're actually grieving. That need for a safe space to just be - to cry or be still without it being a scheduled session - is a very real and physical necessity.

Since the "clock" is the thing causing the most pressure right now, could we look into a few middle-ground options?

If you do have to be in those rooms for attendance, is there a way to create a low-sensory bubble for yourself? Sometimes, wearing something like Loops (if allowed), sitting near a door for a quick exit, or even just focusing on a physical "grounding object" can make a strict classroom feel a little less suffocating.

Even if assessors are strict, most universities have a compassionate grounds policy specifically designed for various difficult life circumstances, such as losing a parent. This usually overrides a single subject's strict attendance policy. Have you had a chance to see if your student union or a student advocate can help you navigate that? They are often better, I'd say, at "speaking the language" of the university to get you the space you need.

If you did find a space where it felt safe to let those emotions out today, do you think that would make the "four weeks to go" feel a little more doable, or does the whole mountain still feel too high? 💚

@moodyahhhhh

I'm sorry for the confusion! When I mentioned the "middle-ground options," I just meant finding those small ways, like the ideas I suggested below that paragraph, to make those classes feel a little less intense without having to drop out or give up on the marks 💚

Your idea of the stress ball is a perfect example of a middle-ground option. It's a small, physical way to manage stress in the moment without changing the whole classroom setup, if that makes sense.

It's good news that the attendance marks are not hurdle requirements. That takes a huge weight off, I'm sure. It means if you have a morning where the headaches are just too much and you truly can't make it, you aren't "failing" the whole unit, you're prioritising your health and wellbeing.

It sounds like you’re starting to build a little toolkit for these last few weeks. How does it feel to have a couple of concrete steps like the stress ball and the union email on your list? Does the "mountain" feel a tiny bit smaller? 💚

@moodyahhhhh

You're certainly right to recognise that those steps alone won't solve everything. A sensory toy/fidget is a great tool for the moment, but it doesn't carry the weight of a semester or the weight of your grief 💚

If those small actions don't feel like they're enough, then I suggest lowering the cognitive load and finding a safe release valve.

If your campus has a library with individual study pods, a multi-faith/prayer room, or even just a quiet corner of a park, those can be "safe" places to be withdrawn without being totally isolated. Sometimes just being in a different physical environment can help you feel less trapped.

Since your classes are high-pressure, plan exactly what you will do afterwards. Whether it's putting your headphones on with a specific comfort playlist or sitting in your car for just 10 minutes of silence, having a ritual to "shed" the stress of the classroom can help stop it from pouring into the rest of your day.

For these remaining weeks of the semester, what does "bare minimum" success look like? It might look like looking at your syllabus and deciding what readings are "must-dos" and which ones you can get away with skipping. Also, giving yourself permission to be a "distinction," "credit," or even a "pass" student (based on what I had at my university) for just one month can save the energy you need for the future you.

Once you've contacted your student union, the next step is letting them do the heavy lifting. If they can get those attendance requirements adjusted, your next move might be actually taking a day off when the headaches hit, without the guilt.

When you think about the "next" thing, does it feel like you're looking for a way to feel better, or just a way to make sure you don't collapse before the end of the term? 💚

honestly i dont really do readings (even though i should), sadly my uni doesnt really have accessible low sensory rooms which sucks.

bare minimum success looks like being a credit student this semester, i still havent contacted the union oops but that might be the next thing

anyways finally reached out to the student union and collated info about fee remission, i hope i dont fail any subjects but figured better to be safe than sorry

@moodyahhhhh

I love that you've set a "credit" as your goal. In a normal year, a credit is solid, but in a year where you've lost your dad and you're dealing with burnout, a credit is basically a high distinction in endurance. It shows you're still standing 💚

It really does suck that the campus doesn't have dedicated low-sensory rooms. It's a significant accessibility gap. Since those rooms don't exist, your sensory toys and one-day off strategies become even more important. You're essentially having to build your own "internal" quiet room because the university doesn't provide one.

As for the union, don't stress so much about not having contacted them yet; you've had a lot on your plate. Don't worry about making the email to them perfect. Just tell them, "I've had a bereavement, and I am struggling with burnout/attendance, what options do I have?" or something similar.

Also, don't worry too much about the readings; it can be really hard getting around to doing them. and actually focusing on it. To be honest, when I was at university, I didn't really get around to doing much of the readings either, besides the mandatory readings, but I still performed really well (I got high distinctions/distinctions, and received 3 Executive Dean's Awards - so I have faith in you that you'll do well even if you don't do the readings!)

Definitely get around to sending that email to the student union when you can 💚

@moodyahhhhh

I'm really glad to hear that the email to the union is done 💚

I also want to clear something up: please don't feel like you have to match any "HD" or "Dean's Award" standards. Those titles are really just metrics for a very specific type of academic performance under "ideal" questions (I was going through a lot of personal things). But they don't measure the kind of strength you're showing right now.

Navigating a bereavement while finishing a semester is a completely different category of achievement. If you make it to the end of these remaining weeks and hit that Credit goal, that is a successful outcome. You aren't "failing" a standard; you are setting a new, realistic one that protects your well-being.

Now that the union has been contacted, the "next" step is actually a bit of a challenge: waiting and resting

You’ve done the hard part of reaching out for help, and I am so very proud of you for doing that 💚