Caring for a life partner when there is no emotional connection.

Thinking of you @Determined . How are you today? How is everything going with your dear loved one and your son?

@tyme

On the surface everything is going ok here at the moment.

Under the surface, I am super struggling with the lack of connections at the moment. Trying hard not to ‘check out’ and not care.

Oldest son is at least talking to me again. I declined to take a call while at work when he needed something super basic. He had ignored me when I tried calling the previous day to offer help when he had locked himself out of the house. I could see him on the security camera that alerts when someone comes in the front yard, So when he called the next day I ignored him. I think that rattled him when I took the ‘tell someone who cares’ approach, because I have always been ‘on call’ despite how badly people threat me, because I actually care.

He was with a support worker so he was safe and if it was a real emergency they would have called me.

I have also stopped responding to negative texts from Darling while at work.

That scares me because there is always the risk she will do something stupid to hurt herself (past form), but usually it is just manipulation. It at any point I assess a real risk it will be off to the hospital for an evaluation. Which is where we were this time last year. This time last year I was in a full time caring role, returning to work was all about me. I had an amazing opportunity presentment itself, that is both financially beneficial and good for my own emotional wellbeing.

And that comes with the usual disclaimer that I am perfectly safe. Just having a skulk at the moment. Battling fatigue does not help.

Hey @Determined , I hear all your concerns. They are all valid.

Having those boundaries for yourself is so important.

Having BPD myself, I can totally step into the shoes of your Darling. As long as you've told her that you will not be answering calls during work, then what happens falls into her hands. It's hard, but when I think about it, back then, I used to test to boundaries to see if the other person 'really cared'. It was the only way I knew how to manage.

Also, I'm glad you have set boundaries with your son as well.

It's a big job. We are hear to support you so you feel less alone as you navigated what life's thrown at you.

Stay strong.

Thank you @tyme for your encouragement.

The non response seems to be accepted.

Being front facing customer support she understands that often I am busy.

While trying to be consistent, sometimes acknowledging I am there but not acknowledging a particular line of communication makes a difference.

So not a total cone of silence. But there is an understanding that if I don't answer it is because I am busy. There have been instances where I have been genuinely swamped and have not seen something for a couple of hours as my phone is on silent while at work.

I can totally relate. Sometimes I've so busy that I only get to see messages late in the evening or after midnight.

I know that some people get upset if I don't respond straight away, but I really can't sometimes @Determined

There are even messages I haven't responded to since the beginning of the week.

Sometimes I hear that people feel I don't care, but to be frank, I don't want to be married to my phone.

How are you been anyway @Determined ?

I always think of you because I know what a heavy role you have to take on and it's not always easy.

@tyme

Doing ok, super fatigued though.

Happy for the long weekend.

Where's the long weekend @Determined ?

Rest up and recuperate 🙂

@tyme

Labour day QLD & NT

First Monday in may every year.

Oh @Determined ! I think Victorians have had theirs already... I can't keep track.

Are you going to do something nice with your Darling? Or are you just going to rest up?

@tyme

Having lunch with friends on Monday.

Someone who reached out to me to see how she could connect with Darling.