narcissistic abuse and discard

Hi @JB83,

I just wanted to jump on and welcome you to the Forums community.

What you're describing is something many people go through. The collapse you're talking about is a very human reaction, we hope you find connection and support here. I encourage you to keep connecting with your peers on the forum and leaning into the community

Feel free to Introduce yourself here if you haven’t already,

We look forward to seeing you around on the forums!

liminalzest

It is the most confusing thing i have ever experienced. I gave so much love and was treated cruelly, bullied, called names, devalued. It got to a point where I could not go to work for 14 weeks during the relationship.It felt like i was living outside myself and time stood still. The discard was end of January and it was extremely cruel. The day before he told me he loved me and he hadn't for so long. The next day he told me I was annoying for asking for love and effort and left me. I wanted to not be here anymore and he said me saying that was manipulation, was calling me a f..... idiot and called a friend of his i don't like to come over who filmed me over my fence in my home having a mental breakdown. Police and ambulance attended and he told me when he was calling them that i was going to be in so much trouble for wanting to take my life. After 2 years of me putting my all in he thought it was fitting to touch my body and say i like all of this just not other stuff... like that was meant to be comforting. He has broken my self esteem by calling me weird, awkward, a spas, telling me I don't fit in, that i will be alone, no body wants me, calling me a dope, ditzy, too masculine and the list goes on. when does it get better

Hey @JB83, thanks for sharing your experiences with the community!

It's really brave of you to be so vulnerable with your peers, and you are courageous for getting through this tough time that you described.

I just want to check with you that you are safe in your relationship? It sounds like you are talking about these experiences in the past.

Also have you spoken to anyone about your experiences and had some counselling from a relationship specialist?

I don't know if you have contact 1800 RESPECT before, but they are the best people to reach out to and have a chat about relationships. Even if they are in the past, we can still carry some trauma and benefit from talking about our experiences.

Thanks again for sharing with your peers!

RiverSeal

Thank you. I am safe. We no longer have any contact

Hi, yeah my mum is a severe narcissistic abuser.

I'm really sorry @JB83 that you had to experience it. Are you ok?

@JB83 When does it get better?

It takes time, space to breathe and reconnect with yourself. You won't feel better all at once either, eventually you might go days or an entire week without breaking down.

Please don't believe any of the drivel your ex said, in the heat of the moment when a narcissist loses control they will lash out and say some of the most horrific sh*t. Sometimes there is a small amount of truth to what they say, but mostly it's over exaggerated or complete bs.

An example: my ex used to yell at me I was a "drama loving b*tch" and gaslit me into believing I was Bipolar... I got diagnosed last year with Complex PTSD, I have a lot of trauma in my past (not including what he put me through) and was responding negatively to stressful situations.

He used my past against me, and I wouldn't be surprised if your ex did the same. You are not any of the things he called you, you are a human being who deserves respect and consideration for your thoughts and feelings.

I am so glad that you're still here and getting back on the right path. I wish you all the peace, happiness, understanding and love that you deserve ❤️

Most definitely

I've been going through that... I'm just starting to get my life together, but it wasn't just my life but my entire existence or purpose almost.

It's also revealed that my whole life and most of my problems have actually been from the trauma loop I have been in my whole life.

If there's anything positive I can say it's that you have a fresh start and it's possible for some kind of happiness for no other reason except you have identified the narcissistic relationship. 🤦

@JB83

Hi there,

First of all, I just want to say I’m truly sorry that you’ve had to go through this.

My life fell apart last year when I realised, after 30 years, that my mum is also severely narcissistic.
For so long, I believed there was something deeply wrong with me that I couldn’t do anything right, that I was destined to fail, and that if I ever left, no one would truly be there for me or love me. She was/is very abusive. I pushed myself to the point of burnout, just trying to earn some form of love.

I’ve now been no contact with my mum for about a year, and it’s been one of the most challenging things I’ve ever done. Through that, I started therapy and was diagnosed with C-PTSD. I’m slowly beginning to understand the really bad cycle I’ve been in for most of my life. It's very exhausting. Alongside seeing a psychologist, my GP and finally getting proper support, SANE has been such a valuable part of my journey. It’s helped me realise I’m not alone. I used to think I was the only one feeling this way, but connecting with others who have similar experiences has made me feel less isolated.

I don’t feel like I’m in a place to give advice, as I’m still in the middle of healing. But I can say that once you start to realise what’s happened, it can feel very overwhelming, like a big storm you have to go through. It can feel unbearable at times, and very lonely. But with the right support, you can move through it. I don’t know how long it will take for me to feel fully at peace, but I do know I wouldn’t have made it this far without help, real, consistent support. You deserve kindness and love, we are here for you.💛

And to everyone else sharing their stories here, BIG HUGS. It’s heartbreaking for me to read that others have experienced narcissistic abuse too. @TommyTom @Nw @AnnoyedSheDevil @Case-Ahn-13 💛