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What REAL support is there is Carins?

What REAL support is there is Carins?

I think about dying almost every day. I'm not at the stage of taking my life but I'm totally over everything. I have ADHD and most likely ASD as well and everything these days over whelms me, including the Recovery Plan Form. I was being supported by a person that worked at a company here in Cairns to support carers, as I care for my mother and 1 daughter with mental health issue. But the support person has had family problems and it is unknown when he will be back at work. His supervisor called me and we had a talk. I asked is there any kind of help for me with ADHD and ASD as thing with my mother and daughter make me have total meltdowns and I'm smashed for days after them. I was basically told they are not there to help with that they are there to support with the supporting of my other etc. Doesn't her having hissy fits and changing her mind etc all the time and it making me break down count as that? I was suicidal a few months before Christmas and very close to driving off a few times. But I recovered a bit with no help from anyone or any where. Now I extended my medical certificate and my work told me that they usually do not do a second 3 months and I will most likely not have a job if I extend it again! So now it's like what is the point at all. There are no companies in Cairns that can support me in any way. I've paid professionals and that was just a total waste of money with no help at all. My work helped put me into this positions. My first break down was when I was rostered with a person (support worker) I was not told anything before the shift. He was asleep and I could not get into the house so I sent through his notes. There was court order in his notes that he is not to go near people under the age of 16! I think this should have been told to me before anything as it was not easy to find in his notes. But to top it off my daughter had just come forward about being sexually abused and she was suicidal not long before. I seriously wanted to harm this person, so did not wake him up until the last moment to take him where he had to go and then just drove him straight there. I physically felt sick after doing that and had to disinfect my car. I took some time off then but should have done work cover and I might have been given some help. then before Christmas I had a client attack me because he didn't have the money to do what he wanted to do. That is when I started me first 3 months trying to sort myself out. Now things are just getting worse and worse. I feel that if someone at work attacks me again I might actually hurt them. That is why I'm not back working. My ears are always ringing and I cannot concentrate or focus. Most days are spend frozen and unable to move. Then the day has gone and I hate myself for not doing any of the many jobs that need to be done. I had nothing at all that gives me joy anymore. I use to breed fish and started pottery but they bring no joy at all now. I just started making Cabochons and love that. But I will wake up at 7am to get to the club at 8 or 9am, then it will be 12 noon and I've still not left. Sometimes I might get in there and do an hour or 2, but I miss out on most of the time they are open and feel guilty.
Anyway I guess I have 2 questions.
1. where do I start when this 20 page recovery plan thing is so overwhelming?
2. is there any support in Cairns at all or should I just forget about that totally?

2 replies

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In response to: What REAL support is there is Carins?

Re: What REAL support is there is Carins?

Hey @FKWTCM - first off, wow, your situation sounds so incredibly overwhelming. Understatement I guess... but I wanted to thank you for sharing and being so open with us about what you've been holding onto.

I also want to commend you for your keen self-awareness in knowing that right now, providing support to others is too much, because you don't want to risk lashing out defensively should someone come at you again. That's not an easy decision to make, and many would simply push through. It speaks a lot to your integrity, at least from my perspective.

When we are stuck, frozen, and unable to engage in or get enjoyment out of things we normally would find fun or exciting, it's likely we are stuck in survival mode, or something called 'functional freeze'. With everything that has been going on for you and your family, and with what sounds like inefficient, insufficient, or mismatched support around you, it's no wonder you are feeling this way.

To your questions -

1. If the Recovery Plan feels overwhelming, it is so okay to take a step back from it. It's not compulsory to have it fully filled out or anything - you could potentially go over it step by step with your recovery facilitator, or you could scan through it and find the sections that stand out or feel most relevant, and just focus on that. It's meant to be a guide, not an exam. You can lean on it as a roadmap for your specific situation as much or as little as is helpful to your needs right now.

As a fellow ADHDer, I can tell you now that a 20-page anything would make my brain feel very swirly, foggy, and overwhelmed too 😅

2. Because we're a national service, we don't have a lot of info for specific local services. What I can recommend is to take a look at Ask Izzy, or the Lifeline Service Finder as potential starting points. If you're not already linked in with Carer Gateway, might be worth looking into as well 🙂

If you want to connect with other carers on the forums, you can jump into any of the threads over in our Friends, Family & Carers space (or make a new one of your own!). If you want some support or to chat to others about sitting with suicidal thoughts, we have a space for that too - Managing Thoughts of Suicide & Self Harm. There's also a thread I started for folks with ADHD and their loved ones - stories, questions, tips, and memes - you can find it here.

I hope you find what you're looking for here in the forums community. I'm sure there's many folks here who can relate to your story - you're not alone 💜

In response to: What REAL support is there is Carins?

Re: What REAL support is there is Carins?

@FKWTCM Hi 👋🏼 welcome to the Forum.
How are you feeling today?

Did I read that correctly, you have a 20 page Mental Health Plan?

When I got diagnosed 25 years ago, I got a referral to a psychiatrist. 30 minute appointment with the psychiatrist and a prescription for meds.

@Jynx is one of the forum’s league of legends

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