Confused

@FeelingStuck

You've touched on something very important in your response, specifically the idea that the anger is not just your own. In complex or chaotic families, we find ourselves becoming these emotional sponges, soaking up the frustration and unexpressed emotions of our parents or other relatives. It makes so much sense that you do feel more out of control now that you're in a different country, your heart is still trying to protect them, but your hands are essentially tied due to the physical distance 💚

I truly understand that feeling of just not understanding why someone wouldn't value compassion. For those of us who prioritise empathy, seeing someone choose entitlement feels like watching someone speak a language that is fundamentally wrong. But sometimes, the most peaceful thing we can do is stop trying to translate their behaviour and just accept that their "map" of the world is distorted in a way that we simply cannot fix ourselves.

I really love your description of the burn letter as a way to release toxins. That's honestly exactly what it is. You're physically removing those "borrowed" feelings from your system and returning them to the universe to be absorbed.

That feeling of betrayal or letting them down is perhaps the hardest part to unlearn. It may help to remind yourself that setting a boundary is not the same thing as being mean. By stepping back, you're finally giving yourself the same empathy and protection you've always given everyone else; you are not failing anyone!

How're you feeling after this conversation we've been having on here? Does the idea of focusing on your own reality feel a little bit more achievable now that you've identified where that extra anger is coming from? 💚

@MatchaToad

That’s exactly how it feels!

Having to learn and accept that my sister is different is something I have to do and I think that and burning the letter will help that and help to release the anger, pain and frustration.

There’s a lot to learn and learning is a journey.

This conversation has been incredibly helpful and the advice you have been giving has been amazing! It’s been great. 🧡

@FeelingStuck

I am so glad this has been helpful! It has been a real privilege to walk alongside you as you navigate these tough realisations 💚

As you move forward and try that burn letter, remember to be as gentle with yourself as you would be to a dear friend. Unlearning a lifetime of conditioning does not happen overnight, but every time you choose your own comfort over a toxic dynamic, you are winning.

I'm really excited for you to reclaim all that energy you've been spending!

Please know that the forums are always here whenever you need to vent, process a new step, or even just share a small win with us all 💚

@MatchaToad

Thank you for all the advice 🧡