SaltwaterSoulSenior Contributor
Unhealthy friendships and setting boundaries
Hi everyone,
Over the past couple of months, I’ve been really trying to learn and practise setting boundaries. Through therapy, I’ve come to realise that many of my past relationships, both friendships and family have been unhealthy, often involving push-and-pull patterns and trauma bonding. For a long time, I thought it was always my fault, but now I’m starting to see that I wasn’t treated well..
Since starting therapy, I’ve become more aware of the difference between healthy and unhealthy dynamics in relationships. As I’ve been making changes in my life, I’ve come to recognise that a friend I’ve known for over 15 years, who I always thought was my best friend, may not have been a healthy friendship for me. With the help of my psychologist, I’ve started to reflect more deeply on this friendship and I think I may have suppressed a lot. I didn’t fully recognise the issues until last year, when my life fell apart and I was really struggling. During that time, she didn’t offer much support or understanding. Instead, I often felt overwhelmed by her problems, and sometimes it felt like I was simply her emotional outlet. At one point, I tried to open up and share my diagnosis, hoping she would understand and give me some space. But it felt like she didn’t listen, as she would claim that I hadn’t told her about it, even though I had a few times. I realised eventually that I can’t keep doing this... With support from my psychologist, I set a clear but kind boundary and felt I communicated it respectfully.
However, her response left me feeling really disappointed and honestly quite overwhelmed. Instead of acknowledging what I had shared, she went on at length about how sad and empty she feels, and how people are always leaving her. There was no real acknowledgment of me or my situation, just a focus on her own feelings and problems. She also said she didn’t agree with what I had said, which made me question myself and whether I had even been clear enough. Then, later that same day, she followed up by asking how my day was, despite me having clearly asked for space and understanding.
I haven’t responded to this.. Part of me hoped that if I opened up honestly (which was really scary), she would understand and respect what I need. I think I’m just trying to process all of this. If anyone has gone through a similar shift from unhealthy to healthier friendships or relationships I’d really appreciate hearing your experiences if comfortable.
Thank you for reading..!
