Loneliness

Hi there @Workinprogress3 👋

We wanted to take this opportunity to welcome you to the forums.

We hope that you find the forums a great place to connect with other members, share stories and ideas, and find the support and connection you deserve! It's great to see you putting yourself out there to build meaningful connections with people.

Sounds like you are already taking some really important steps to start new hobbies like the art class, and looking for connections outside your church since it sounds like it can be tricky to navigate friendships there considering the power dynamics. Hopefully there are some people you click with at the men's shed (even if some are grumpy old men!).

While I might not have any additional ideas at the moment, I would encourage you to not put too much pressure on yourself and to give it time! Its easy enough to get a bit discouraged if the first thing we try doesn't work out great but there might be other men's sheds, or volunteering spaces or classes with people you connect better with if the first one isn't all that you hoped. Take care and good luck!

Hopefully the community will be able to share some ideas with you over the next couple of days as well!

Hey @Workinprogress3

You already have the opportunity right there to meet people. Its actually a little bit like dating. You aren't going to click with everyone but you don't need to, just with a few to improve you social group.

Its the same with moving, sometimes people move and need to reconnect. Those are the places you can get to know people, take the opportunity.

Anonymouse

Hey @Workinprogress3

I just wanted to say that it is completely understandable that you're looking for a "third place" outside of your marriage and ministry. Being a pastor would definitely create a unique dynamic when you are often a pillar for others, making it rather difficult to let your own guard down and be the one needing a pillar for yourself 💚

Your plan for the art course sounds lovely. Those shared tasks take the pressure off direct conversation, allowing friendships to form naturally. Regarding the Men's Shed, your instinct to scout it out first is a wise choice. While yes, the grumpy stereotype does exist, many find these spaces are actually filled with men who, like yourself, are just looking for a sense of purpose and camaraderie after years of working hard.

You could possibly look into service-based clubs like Rotary or Lions. They offer a peer group that values civic duty but exists outside your specific church hierarchy. It's a fantastic way to meet other professionals and retirees. You could possibly look into joining a walking/hiking group in your local community, or even volunteer for a non-religious cause like working at a community garden or food bank, which allows you to connect with people from all different walks of life based on a shared interest rather than just a shared faith or congregation.

That nervous feeling you're having is normal, and I want to assure you that once you start showing up to these places regularly, that friendly acquaintance phase will eventually transform into true friendship 💚

Thank you for your wisdom and encouragement.

You are spot on, thank you.

Great ideas, thank you. I am heavily involved in our churches food program. We give away 150 bags of free fruit and vegetables etc every week. I find my involvement there is good for my mental health because it reminds me of how I am blessed I am compared to many people.

Reading your post alerted me to the fact I might be tempted to not give these things a try because of assuming they wont be a good fit for me. It will certainly be out of my comfort zone trying these things but at least I will be making an informed decision. Thank you.

Hello @Workinprogress3 💛

I just wanted to pop in and remind you to tag people you're responding to so they don't miss your lovely messages! You can do this by pressing @ and then their name.

I am so glad you are getting support already.

I can hear you are wonderful member of your community and I think connecting through an art course or a Men's Shed is such a fabulous idea. Your church sounds like a beautiful space too.

Would you mind me asking what denomination you are? We have a very active Christian Chat here, which I can tag you in, if you'd like! Please let me know. ☺️