I keep thinking I’m the problem… anyone else?

Hi everyone,

I’ve been wanting to share something and would really appreciate any thoughts or similar experiences.

Lately I’ve been stuck in a loop where I keep thinking that maybe I’m the problem in my relationship. I struggle with social anxiety and possibly CPTSD (currently exploring this in therapy), and I think I have an anxious attachment style, while my partner is more avoidant.

Earlier in the relationship, I know I didn’t always handle things well. I’ve reacted out of anger at times, and I feel a lot of regret about that. I’m actively trying to work on myself and do better.

For a while, I actually felt quite clear about things, that some of my partner’s patterns (like not respecting my space or boundaries, not feeling seen/heard, and lack of conflict repair) were affecting me. It felt like a repeating pattern.

But as the days go by, I find myself questioning everything and turning it back onto myself. My mind keeps saying: “What if I’m actually the problem? What if I’m a narcissist and just using CPTSD as an excuse?”

I understand that CPTSD symptoms can overlap with other conditions and that everyone has some narcissistic traits, but trying to fit myself into NPD and spiraling over it is honestly exhausting and painful.

We had an argument a few days ago and decided to take a short break. But after just one day, my partner started reaching out, trying to talk normally and make plans, and it’s left me feeling really confused about what this “break” even means.

I also know I can be quite sensitive, even to small things, so I’m trying to understand what’s valid and what might be my anxiety. I know we both have our shortcomings, but this constant self-doubt is really hard to sit with.

Sorry this is long. I have a therapy session early next week, but

I’m finding it hard to cope in the meantime.

Has anyone else experienced something similar?

Thank you for reading 🤍