Feeling hopeless

Hey @Strugglingmum4

It sounds like you are carrying an incredible amount of weight right now. First, I want to acknowledge how much courage it takes to share all of that. It is clear that every choice you've made, even the ones that haunt you now, came from a place of trying to keep your children safe and sheltered 💚

When you're in survival mode like this, it is so easy for your brain to tell you that you're failing, but moving into emergency accommodation and fighting to keep a roof over your kids' heads is the complete opposite of giving up.

I wanted to share a few practical avenues that might help ease the immediate pressure on your finances and housing situation.

Department of Housing: if you haven't already, ensure you are on the Housing Register. Since you are in temporary motel accommodation, you may be eligible for a bond loan/rental grant if you find a private rental. You can also request an appointment with a Housing Service Centre to discuss your homelessness priority status.

Financial Counselling: before those loans cause more distress, you can call the National Debt Helpline. They offer free, confidential advice and can often help negotiate with lenders to put those defaults on hold under financial hardship provisions.

Emergency Relief Providers: Organisations like St Vincent de Paul and the Salvation Army can sometimes help with one-off vouchers for food or fuel, or with a week's storage costs to give you some breathing room.

Ask Izzy: This is a fantastic website where you can type in your current location to find the closest food banks, low-cost health clinics, housing services, etc.

National Legal Aid : You can find your state legal aid through this service. I suggest looking into legal aid regarding the custody and consent agreement. They can provide free legal advice sessions, and I truly believe it is so important to have someone in your corner who understands the law before you sign anything under pressure.

It is so heartbreaking to hear that the older children feel they were at fault. If you're able to, perhaps send them a short letter or drawing (if video calls are supervised or strained) to reinforce that the "grown-up problems" are about houses and money, not about them being "naughty."

You are doing the best you can with the very limited resources you have. Please try to as kind to yourself as you would be to a friend in the same situation 💚

@Strugglingmum4

Thank you so much for clarifying that for me. I’m so sorry for the misunderstanding. Knowing it's the youngest children makes it so much clearer why this is so painful. Those early years are so precious, and missing them while you're in a single room motel must be heartbreaking for you 💚

Please try to hold onto the fact that wanting them back and fighting for a house is being a good mother, even if the system is making you feel otherwise right now.

It’s exhausting when you’ve ticked every box, called every number, and you’re still sitting in a single motel room. It feels like shouting into a void.

If you're open to it, I can try to find more services that could help e.g. advocacy services 💚

But also, if you're not up for 'next steps' right now, please know that is okay too. I know you're going through an overwhelming time. If you feel like you just want to talk and have someone listen, I am absolutely here for that 💚

@Strugglingmum4

Thank you for sharing. It looks like you are doing an absolutely amazing job under an intense amount of weight and pressure. I am absolutely in awe of your ability to get to this point.

To cite and old cliche "the darkest hour does not come at night it comes just before the dawn"

You have been on an epic journey and, please correct me if I'm wrong, it sounds like you are in a reasonable secure situation for a minute.

This is probably the first chance in a while where you have had time to reflect and process rather then act and react and it is hitting you like a tonne of bricks.

You have given so much to other people. It's time to give to your self. Give grace, give patience, give yourself a pat on the back for getting to this point right now.

If indeed you are in a secure situation albeit a temporary one. Please take a moment to rest and give care to yourself.

Allocate resources to your immediate needs. Live in the present, let the future look after itself for awhile.

There will be further battles and you need to be fit and fresh when they come. You are a soldier. And as any old soldier will tell you "sleep when you can".

@Strugglingmum4

It's really clear how much you're fighting for your kids, and having that weight on your shoulders while in a single room motel must be so incredibly draining 💚

I do have a few other recommendations that might interest you.

Family Violence Law Help explains the laws around parenting and safety. It also has a crisis line. It provides further information on family advocacy, family law, and accessing services.

Family Advocacy and Support Services (FASS) provides legal support and assistance to families.

amica is a guided online tool that helps parents reach fair agreements about parenting and children in a simpler, less stressful way.

Relationships Australia specialises in helping families navigate separation and can assist with mediation or finding safe ways to keep you connected with your children.

GIVIT is a great way to get specific items you need, like clothes, household goods, or vouchers, for free. You usually need a support worker or a local charity to "request" the items for you, but you can find those organisations that offer this in your local area through the search function.

Sending you so much strength 💚

Hello @Strugglingmum4

Thanks for reaching out to our community

Are you aware of Clubhouse International? Its a psychosocial rehab model for the mentally ill that has a daily program plus meals for a small token amount. You could get along to that with your children and have a meal. I doubt if they would turn you away as they are always welcoming new members as they understand the plight of the mentally ill. I used to attend.

Here is an interactive map of Clubhouses in Australia from their International directory: https://clubhouse-intl.org/what-we-do/international-directory/

Have you also checked in with AskIzzy? There are lots of support agencies and food relief organisations listed by postcode. There may have been support services you have missed or overlooked https://askizzy.org.au/

You said you have defaulted on a loan. You could take out a Good Shepherd No-Interest Loan to pay off the existing loan. Then you would be required to pay it off according to your ability to pay. It can be done when you have money and its a more flexible arrangement with no fees or charges unlike bank loans https://goodshep.org.au/services/nils/

Another food relief agency is Sikh Volunteers in Victoria if you reside here. They used to deliver beautifully cooked Indian food to peoples homes no questions asked, I dont know what they are doing now with the fuel crisis but they delivered to me once when I was too ill to take care of myself. https://sikhvolunteersaustralia.org/

Another food relief organisation that I used to donate to is OzHarvest, they are all around Australia and you can get along and get free groceries and produce. Its a wonderful charity model and the people there are lovely. https://www.ozharvest.org/your-local-ozharvest/

This is not free but heavily discounted food from your local bakeries, cafes and restaurants. Its food that is left at the end of the day which is ok to eat but would normally go to waste. The food outlets offer surprise packages of food that is up to 80% off. Its available on an Australian app that goes by the name "Too Good To Go" https://www.toogoodtogo.com/en-au

These are some options I could come up with. Dont know if it appeals to you or not but thought I'd share some suggestions I had.

You are incredibly strong and brave. It is not easy out there in the world today. I can tell you you are not alone. There is so much food and housing insecurity out there today.

Wishing you good luck