The "Internal Weather" Check-In

@Chasingsunsets

The heart rate jump sounds incredibly draining, especially while you are trying to rest. I am glad that you don't have to take that specific medicine again for a while, but do take it easy while your system settles back down 💚

I completely hear you on the control aspect of surgery. It's a very human thing to feel uneasy about an anaesthetic, but it sounds like you've got a great roll with it kind of mindset, despite the nerves. Having your dog for those regular walks sounds like the perfect medicine in the meantime.

Regarding the 'waves' on the forum, I really appreciate your perspective. It's definitely a fine balance between naming the elephant in the room and keeping everyone steady, but I truly think having open and kind conversations such as these is exactly how we navigate the waves and fog, if that makes sense.

Sending you lots of restful vibes for the remainder of the week. I'll be thinking of you and your doggo 💚

Evening @MatchaToad 💚, how have you been tracking today?

ohh yess nothing like feeling you have run some marathons whilst just lying in bed 🤭🙈. But that’s ok all worn off now which is good.

yes the surgery, needs to be done one way or another been a process to get the tick of approval for it, so nervous but just need to get it done now, but the letting go of the control is interesting that’s for sure for a few reasons but all good.

I completely agree with what you said about the forum 💯, it would be so kind whoever made these decisions to give us clarity, kind and open and honest chats rather than just “leaving us on the fence” (just how I feel so it may not be how everyone feels :), not good at sitting with elephants in the room or this type of fence sitting, fallen face first a couple of times when the warning bells go off from Jan-present about this. I pick up all the unspoken vibes and patterns a very uncomfortable place to sit, let’s also just say completely retraumatising. It’s about not seeing but sensing, this is always the first warning bell. I also have a really strong sense of caring for others and very sensitive to decisions, made from people "higher up" making executive decisions, there is no confidence or trust when this happens for me and you loose fantastic workers when this happens it does make me worry I guess (I could definitely have it all wrong and really I hope I do). Have we gone backwards? Do they not see or understand how valuable the PSWs are here on the forum for forum members? This is my fear. “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view, until you climb into his skin and walk around in it" - Atticus Finch.

It takes a lot for me to get bothered like this but has hit a number of buttons of mine which doesn’t happen often but this is why I am acknowledging the elephant I guess 🐘🫶 “If something is important enough, you do it even if the odds are not in your favour”- EM

So lovely chatting, very much appreciate our interactions 💫☀️🙏

Hey @Chasingsunsets

My day yesterday was good; I got a lot done that I had been wanting to finish. Having a relaxed morning today, will be here throughout the day/evening 💚

I wanted to thank you for being so open with me. It is a real gift to be able to chat like this, especially when things feel choppy under the surface.

I truly hear how much those unspoken vibes are weighing on you. When you have a strong sense of care for a community, noticing shifts in patterns can feel so unsettling, and I completely understand how retraumatising it can feel when trust feels thin. That Atticus Finch quote is so perfect. Empathy and lived experience are the true heart of this place, and I think that's exactly why those warning bells feel so loud for you right now 💚

It is okay to have those fears for the forum family here. Even if we don't have all the clear answers right now, please know that I truly value your voice and your observations. I don't think you're rocking the boat by naming the elephant; you're just being honest about what you have been noticing.

On a more personal note, I am so glad that marathon feeling from the medication has worn off! Since you're still in the bracing phase for surgery, I hope you can lean into those dog walks and lean onto here for support.

Sending you so much steadiness and peace for the weekend 💚

 I am going to reflect on this idea of internal weather. Thanks @MatchaToad for all you do on the forum. Your responses interact with the material in people's posts in a way that has real wisdom and insight and uniquely tunes into people's feelings.

I am really slow at learning to express feelings.

We only had a sprinkling of rain, though I actualy liked it. There were a lot of sunny moments. Yes that is literal, but also

@Appleblossom

Thank you so much for those incredibly kind words. It truly means a lot to have the effort I put in here be recognised by all you wonderful people 💚

I absolutely love the image you shared of the capybaras, they're such strange but beautiful creatures!

You mentioned being slow to learn to express feelings, but I think you're actually doing a wonderful job of it right now. Being able to notice those sunny moments, both literal and internal, is a huge part of that expression. Sometimes the best way to describe a feeling is through a metaphor, like the rain 💚

Hey @MatchaToad, sorry about late reply I missed your post sorry about that. Off to sleep now but should be back later on in normal hours, as I’ve mentioned before it has been great seeing you around that’s for sure 😊.

How are things going for you this week? Any luck with what you were following up with re badge? I am not sure I’ve asked if you have any impressions about the movement here. I see there is a new psw, so perhaps they aren’t removing the role, just a shuffle. However still manages to send waves esp when nothing is spoken about and left with 🐘 in the room. It’s hard to know if it is the movement the existing psws wanted or not (I suspect not, only my personal guess). I’ll support them and back them with whatever they have wanted 💯. I just hope their worth has been acknowledged and that the good they do here has been seen. Already one psw down now so staying alert. It’s been interesting. It has definitely managed to rock my boat, not feeling as safe and stable on the forum atm as a personal observation and likely related to what this triggered for me. Would be good to have further updates other than submitting a feedback form I wouldn’t know the best way to go about it. Again not here to start fires, here to put them out. It does seem like things have calmed a bit or I have calmed a bit, one of the two haven’t worked it out yet but I still know there is likely more to come.

Hey @Chasingsunsets

No need to apologise at all! I hope you managed to get some restful sleep 💚

I really appreciate you checking in on me. Regarding the badge, it's still a work in progress. I've been told it was delayed due to the Easter Holidays and the internal changes they've been making. I've had such lovely support from you and the whole community, which has been so heartwarming, and honestly, the kindness I've been shown means more than the Peer Guide label itself.

I hear you on those unspoken waves. It is natural to feel less stable when things become unpredictable under the surface. I can really see that your loyalty to the peer workers and your alertness stem from a deep care for this community. It's okay if the boat feels a bit rocked right now; sometimes, just acknowledging that the waters are choppy is the first step to finding our balance again.

I want you and everyone else here to know that I'm still here, I intend on sticking around for the long haul, and I am so glad that we all have each other to chat with through it all.

Sending you lots of steadiness and peace for the rest of the week! 💚