Constant flashbacks

@Jynx I think being able to differentiate your own values from family is the first step. It is complex. I think for a long time I have had other beliefs but sometimes I would feel like I was obliged to act in other ways. I don’t think I really understood why I had to be so mistrusting of the world.

I’ve only been talking to safe people about it. I don’t think I could talk about it more openly, maybe it’s protective in a way that I don’t get shunned by the community. It is also hard to mask, it is a tricky one.

I’m doing this new thing of allowing myself to not feel guilty for feeling comfortable around selected people who are not my family. It feels so freeing.

I still get lots of anxiety around people I don’t know well, but that’s just my cautious nature. I’m socially anxious and awkward, my ND brain gets overwhelmed in social situations

I need to find someone to talk to but it’s been hard getting in touch with someone for spiritual advice

I’m having a really bad somatic flashback right now. Trying to sniff my mini perfume to calm me, still feeling on edge

I know I can’t change what has passed, but there is a sense of grief of what could’ve been if it never happened

Hey @creative_writer how're you going?

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@creative_writer wrote:
I’m doing this new thing of allowing myself to not feel guilty for feeling comfortable around selected people who are not my family. It feels so freeing.

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I really love this!! And I think the forums are the perfect place to 'stretch the muscle' of letting go, and allowing yourself some guilt-free authentic connection 😊

Do you find it easier to like, let your guard down in this space?

@Jynx I’m working on letting my thoughts go down a stream. It’s a work in progress. I’m feeling super restless right now with racing thoughts, not sure why. I have a ton of nervous energy and will try to go for a walk once I’m finished with dinner. I can’t exercise because I had some bloods done this morning. I’ve been having dinner a bit early, it felt too confusing to shift my meals too far ahead, body clock is already confused by day light savings. Hopefully I spent less time awake tonight, I’ve been noticing time spent awake went up a bit last night. My watch probably underestimates time awake because it can’t always pick up times I am lying still. I could take a PRN if I feel too restless tonight, I need to watch my sleep. My bipolar has become really strange with age, I don’t get those euphoria sort of mania anymore, I get the mixed ones. I’m just trying to make sure I don’t end up in another one.

It has certainly been easier on the forums because there is that anonymity. I knew for a long time I felt safe with selected people but I felt like I wasn’t meant to feel safe. It feels more freeing now I can let that go. I’m still anxious around people I don’t know well, I’ve always been prone to social anxiety and sensory overload.

I hope today has been a smooth one for you 💖

@creative_writer love that, thoughts drifting away like a leaf on a river current.

Yeah daylight savings is wild hey, like why make such changes to our schedules when our body clocks and natural rhythms adjust to seasonal changes so slowly? Ugh

I hope the acceptance you've found here can be something to help boost your courage when it comes to socialising in person. Knowing that there are people out there who would be accepting and open to all aspects of your wonderful self! 💜

@Jynx I’ve been working on separating myself from my thoughts with my psych. I can process it whenever I’m ready, but I think right now it’s about getting myself to a space where it’s easier to manage. There is a lot to unpack, but I’ll cross that bridge when I’m there.

The concept of daylight saving is flawed. I’m sure we don’t need an extra hour in summer, the days are already so long.

The forums have been lovely 💖, it helps to find like minded people. I’m slowly testing waters. I very few friends in real life, but I don’t actually feel lonely. I actually used to have more friends, but keeping up with too many people is too exhausting for my brain to manage and I did actually feel lonely. Maybe it’s also about quality. I went through a phase where I lost a lot of friendships because I sort of drifted apart. I let those friendships go because they weren’t feeling fulfilling. Then I worked on finding more rewarding friendships. I’m also trying to place the pressure off myself, I don’t need to be as social as other people if it’s not what I need

@creative_writer sounds like a helpful approach, and at a pace that feels safe for you 😊

Definitely agree that it's about quality. Having 20 friends but having to mask all the time sounds a lot more lonely than having 1-3 good friends with whom you can be your authentic self. Glad you're not putting too much pressure on yourself to have oodles of relationships that end up draining your energy 💜