Constant flashbacks

I’m safe but I’m just tired. I may seem high functioning on the outside but I’m just so exhausted. I can study, I can do things. But I’m always so exhausted. I see my psych tomorrow and I’m hoping I can make the most of the sessions. I’m so emotional 😭

People say it gets better, don’t they?

Things feel too intense right now. I’m going to bed before SI spirals. I’m safe

Good on you for looking after yourself as best you can when things are so difficult @creative_writer I hope you can get off to sleep okay. Don't hesitate to reach out to a crisis line if you need a bit of extra support tonight hun.

Sending snoozey vibes your way 💜

@Jynx I see my psychologist this avo, I'm just trying to get some uni work done, I am approaching the end of the assignment, it's mostly done but just adding small bits and pieces.

I feel exhausted this morning and I'm cramping and will need to take breaks in between. Might explain the emotions to some extent

Oh nice how'd your appt go @creative_writer?

Kudos on getting to the last bits of your assignment!! Always a good feeling hey 😊

Aye, the hormones do spin us about at times 😬

Hope your evening is going ok 💜

@Jynx the appointment covered a lot. I spoke about how I found the way I responded to the chaos in my life when I was younger didn’t sit well with me. It was when I was going through trauma and my bipolar wasn’t well controlled. Behaviour during hypomania was actually more embarrassing then depression. I would be so short fused and felt like rebelling and not taking meds.

I’m doing better today, but exhausted. How are you? 💖

@creative_writer sounds like an intense, but good appt! Reminds me of this idea of like... 'cringing at your past self/actions just means you've grown as a person'. Sounds like you're finding more balanced ways to cope and to behave that is more in line with your values 😊

Glad to hear it. I'm going pretty well, snuggling up and listening to the rain 💜

@Jynx it is true I’ve grown as a person, I’m definitely not as impulsive. I only realised later that some of my thought patterns at the time were me. I’m not even sure about what I was thinking at the time, I just convinced myself that meds were there to control me (only during mood elevations). It was a mood state belief that didn’t make any sense. I think I naturally acted up because of it. I was also going through trauma and felt like control had been taken away in that sense. I’m not like that anymore, though sometimes I do feel worried about being a good client.

The rain can be super soothing. It feels like winter this morning. I hope you had a chill night 💖. I’m on my way to a morning class

@creative_writer control can be a big theme in trauma and recovery, for sure. I think it's about balance, i.e. being able to empower ourselves to be assertive and have agency, but not so much that we become overly controlling or unable to roll with/tolerate change and the forces that are outside of our control.

Maybe the idea of 'being a good client' is something that's worth exploring in itself?

Winter definitely setting in! Hope your class was a goodun 😉