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Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

I realise how little i mean to people. i mean nothing.
its abit like walking down a long dark street never knowing when a light might flick on to show me the way or give me some hope.
im tired of trying. tired of hoping. tired of coping. tired of exisiting. tired of breathing. i think im done.
dear everyone that knows me, im sorry im such a disapointment. im sorry i cant live up to your expectations. im sorry i was born. im sorry if ive hurt you. im sorry if ive made you miserable. i deserve all the blame and hatred i have gotten. everything is my fault and im sorry.
im locked within the walls of my own minds and i just cant escape it.
Pain. Pain all the time. It runs through my veins a fast flowing river with nothing there to stop it.
Just get over it they say. i wish i could, im living minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. im struggling with memories that haunt me everyday and i dont think they will ever fade.
my thoughts are overwhelming and what hurts me the most is when people pretend to care but really they dont.
im so scared. things just arent the same anymore. im not doing anything right anymore. ive lsot myself, the person i once knew isnt here anymore. i dont know what to do anymore. i feel like i dont belong here or in reality. no where. i have constant feelings of being unworthy and hopeless, of being a prisioner in my own body.
i have so much pain physically and mentally. i try to stay happy. i try to keep smiling. i try to be brave. i try to be stong. i try to act like everything is ok but im far from it.
i never know when im going to have a 'good' day and at any minute im triggered and takes such a long time to recover.
there are monsters living inside me, attacking me, ripping me apart from the inside. i dont think its ever going to end
but its ok "ill just have to get over it" just as expected

1972 replies

1,951 - 1,960 of 1,972

In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

It's just taken me waaaaay too long to carefully word a response to another thread of yours @Former-Member and I feel reasonably comfortable in this moment. Just another example of sometimes things being tricky here.

I have a bananas amount of things to do around the house, zero energy, almost no motivation and not enough time in my day so if you see me around too much please feel free to give me a virtual kick off forum land and into housework land today lol.

Hugs for everyone 💛

In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Hi again girl friends - so good to be thought of as the wise old owl but yes - I don't mind being thought of as younger - parts of me still feel very young

But if I was born during WW2 parts of me are definitely over-the-hill - most of me is not though - I think I am pretty young inside - I feel okay about being one-of-the-girls

Well.............um..........triggers - there will always be triggers - and alas it is very hard to talk about anything without it setting someone off - so I guess we do have to be careful and not become to graphic - but on ANZAC DAY - we can talk about our memories - because we all have them

And @Former-Member - right now you have a series of first anniversaries - which in time will turn into second anniversaries and over years pass into your history - but right now - yes - you do have a lot happening with your memories and with the things you are facing that are new to you as well

Let's all be young together - that is a brilliant idea @Spookytookims - to be girls

Dec

In response to: Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

you can be wise wise and young at hear girl @Owlunar lol

oh @CheerBear you dont have to carefully word things for me. your can be as open as you like. your feel to talk and sya anything you like

In response to: Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

What`s up @Former-Member

In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Hi everyone
Im leaving the forums
I might xome back not sure yet. But whem i get in my computer next ill be gone so later tonight
But I wanted to say goodbye to you guys that did care
@Faith-and-Hope @utopia @Former-Member @Pepsimax @BlueBay @Owlunar @Appleblossom @NikNik @Mazarita @Shaz51 @Former-Member

In response to: Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Ok @Former-Member

we all care about you my sister

Is there something else worrying you tonight @Former-Member

In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

@Former-Member Yes we do care.

I'm thinking of you - & I'vebeen following everything, even though I haven't had much to say.

Adge

In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Okay @Former-Member .., I have obviously missed something here .... what's happened that you feel you need to leave ?

In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Hi @Former-Member, having skimmed the posts you've been involved with over the past few hours, I think I have an inkling of what may have happened. My suggestion, for what it's worth, is to just take a complete step away from the friend here who is troubling you, for as long as you need. Mainly what I've seen in the different threads I looked at is a multitude of other friends here saying, 'please don't leave', or 'please come back'. Look how much warmth there is for you here. Stop for a second and think of how much support you will be leaving and how much we will miss you. To me, one person not being a good friend to you doesn't seem to count as much as all the others of us who will miss you. Of course, take this all with a grain of salt if it misses the mark or is just not what you want to hear. But, like everyone else who has responded to you, I hope you stay!

In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

What's the final straw @Former-Member ?
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