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Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

I realise how little i mean to people. i mean nothing.
its abit like walking down a long dark street never knowing when a light might flick on to show me the way or give me some hope.
im tired of trying. tired of hoping. tired of coping. tired of exisiting. tired of breathing. i think im done.
dear everyone that knows me, im sorry im such a disapointment. im sorry i cant live up to your expectations. im sorry i was born. im sorry if ive hurt you. im sorry if ive made you miserable. i deserve all the blame and hatred i have gotten. everything is my fault and im sorry.
im locked within the walls of my own minds and i just cant escape it.
Pain. Pain all the time. It runs through my veins a fast flowing river with nothing there to stop it.
Just get over it they say. i wish i could, im living minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. im struggling with memories that haunt me everyday and i dont think they will ever fade.
my thoughts are overwhelming and what hurts me the most is when people pretend to care but really they dont.
im so scared. things just arent the same anymore. im not doing anything right anymore. ive lsot myself, the person i once knew isnt here anymore. i dont know what to do anymore. i feel like i dont belong here or in reality. no where. i have constant feelings of being unworthy and hopeless, of being a prisioner in my own body.
i have so much pain physically and mentally. i try to stay happy. i try to keep smiling. i try to be brave. i try to be stong. i try to act like everything is ok but im far from it.
i never know when im going to have a 'good' day and at any minute im triggered and takes such a long time to recover.
there are monsters living inside me, attacking me, ripping me apart from the inside. i dont think its ever going to end
but its ok "ill just have to get over it" just as expected

1972 replies

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In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

@Former-Member You should be able to make any thread you like as long as it has a warning. Others have made threads that subsequently had a warning put on them, so that shouldn't be a problem. We can't know what will be upsetting to others and the forum is for support for all of us. So just put a warning on it and it should be ok. You need to be able to discuss what you need to, and others on here may need to discuss it too. If it upsets anyone, with the warning there, they will know to stay away.

In response to: Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

This next one is going to be a bit differentI think @Former-Member... Im having a bit of difficulty weaving the ideas together, but hopefully it will end up ok.

In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Yeah i know @Spookytookims
I feel awkward commenting on others threads if a few others comment to now
Thats ok im sure itll be great

In response to: Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Yeah @Former-Member I have to admit it is even confusing to me in here, so I definitely understand where you are coming from. But the forums are govt funded I understand. So they technically belong to all of us. So I try to keep that in mind. To me that tells me they areas much mine as anyones. So nobody has more rights here than anyone else. So if you want to post, do so. As long as it doesnt contravene any guidelines you have every right to do so.

In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Hey there friends @Spookytookims and @Former-Member. I'm floating around and half listening here and wanting to say hi but feeling awkward about butting in so I haven't yet. But then I read how you're feeling a bit awkward too lil-caterpillar and so I thought I'd share that I think it's kind of ok to feel a bit funny sometimes here. It's good that you're trying to work it out though.

Hope today is a good one for you both

In response to: Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Hi @Spookytookims - you are dealing with the conversation with @Former-Member so well I didn't want to but in - like @CheerBear - but what you said about lil-pre-butterfly's so called previous friend was so good I wanted to comment on that - well said

We can't change other people but we don't have to put up with biatchy things that they say either - I have let people go in the past - and we can get on with our lives better without someone taking out their on neuroses on us - but yes - we do grieve the loss of what must have been good early on - life does change though

And you have that list lil-pre-butterfly - looks easy in a list - does it feel easier - I do hope so

That breast lump and the pelvic exam and pap-smear are really bothering you - and I really do understand that - and you have your exams in a very short time - less than two weeks now - and your Nan's DOD - all very hard things - you would not have to have emotional discomfort to feel anxious and tense with all of that

I understand - and I am glad you girls are chatting as you do - again - well done Spooky

Dec

In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

I never thought of it that way @Spookytookims i just dont want to get in trouble❤❤

@CheerBear goodmorning to you
Your not intruding at all. I appreciate your opinions to so comment on anything you like ❤❤ yeah just being very careful around here at the moment. Its not even me being triggered ive leaent how to recognise the titles and know how much is too much it more not feeling welcome on here now. I appreciate peoples honesty though

In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Your also welcome to comment to @Owlunar youve been standing by me as well. And i appreciate it and everyone elses views and knowldege.
Looks abit easier in a list but its still prob a good idea to actually breathe
Yes very emotional things and before that i had the first easter without her and also her first birthday not being here

In response to: Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

@Owlunar and @CheerBear No intrusion, but Dec I do like being put in a girl category with @Former-Member , makes me feel younger 🙂

In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Haha lol
Us girlz need to stick together no matter what age everyone still young at heart @Spookytookims @CheerBear @Owlunar ❤❤❤
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