Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

the only thing that would help be easier is if i werent here at all. i wouldnt be the burden that i am and i wouldnt have to live with these memories. i dont know what to do anymore.
i got told today that i never speak about my family but i do. they asked me do i ever ask for help from them- well yeah i ahve a few times and i get shot down every single time- gorw up, stop being a baby, get over it. @May_ i was also asked do i ever help my family well thats my whole life- looking after my nan before she passed, looking after my mu, looking after the horses, looking after my sisters and their pets if they arent home. organising and doing activities with everyone .

im constanlty tormented by memories and there isnt a day that goes by that im not triggered and it makes life very difficult.
oits also very difficult for me to make friends and to also go out and socialise. sometimes its not just as easy as get out of the house.
when i do get out of the hosue i get in trouble for stupid things -like i didnt do this before i left or u didnt give me any ntoice or why i didnt give then ins and outs of every single tiny detail and get told that im always out and when im at home they always say y dont you go out. i cant friggin win!

i dont know what to do any more, i cant feel much and when i do it completly knocks me around.

after monday and then yesterday and now today- ive obviously deserved this assult, and traumatic events, and things being ripped away from me and not having much of a childhood and what childhood i did have it ten minutes away and i cant even be there

@Shaz51@Faith-and-Hope@Pepsimax@Owlunar@Mazarita @Former-Member

Hi @Former-Member,

Sorry to hear you’re having such a hard time today. Sounds like you’re getting a bit closer to finding out what is going on with this lump, however, I read that your doctor also want you to have a pap-smear, which understandably is probably quite triggering and stressful for you. I realise that it’s hard for you to reach out to people in your life right now, but perhaps it might be a good time to contact a service like LifeLine (13 11 14) or Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) to talk about how you’re feeling. We really want to make sure you are feeling safe right now, however, as you know, we are quite limited in the kind of immediate support we can provide over the Forums, so we really encourage you to get in touch with one of these services.

Hope you are feeling better soon!

supernova.

Hi @Former-Member

You sound like you're having a tough time right now. I'm sending support and kindness your way.

Try to tread lightly, offer yourself kindness and compassion where you can. We can be so hard on oursleves. You've got lots happening and thats ok.

I hope the support from your forum family helps you swim through the murky waters

Hi @Former-Member,

It sounds like you are super struggling today. No one deserves to be assulted or abused. I'm not sure what your rationale is for thinking otherwise. There are many people here in Forum Land who have experienced abuse, including myself. Do you truly believe that any of these people deserved it? And if not, then how would it make sense to think that you deserved it?

I'm not sure who you were talking to today, but it sounds like it wasn't a very helpful conversation. I find that people often say dumb a*rse things simply because they don't know what to say. That's why I have pretty much given up trying to reach out for support. I have found that unless someone knows the whole muddle, they tend to say overly simplistic things, which I experience as invalidating and this then increases my distress.

I hope you are able to ride the wave of the big feelings, knowing that these waves always pass.