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Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Unknown userMember16 Mar 2017, 8:45 pm AEDT

Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

I realise how little i mean to people. i mean nothing.
its abit like walking down a long dark street never knowing when a light might flick on to show me the way or give me some hope.
im tired of trying. tired of hoping. tired of coping. tired of exisiting. tired of breathing. i think im done.
dear everyone that knows me, im sorry im such a disapointment. im sorry i cant live up to your expectations. im sorry i was born. im sorry if ive hurt you. im sorry if ive made you miserable. i deserve all the blame and hatred i have gotten. everything is my fault and im sorry.
im locked within the walls of my own minds and i just cant escape it.
Pain. Pain all the time. It runs through my veins a fast flowing river with nothing there to stop it.
Just get over it they say. i wish i could, im living minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. im struggling with memories that haunt me everyday and i dont think they will ever fade.
my thoughts are overwhelming and what hurts me the most is when people pretend to care but really they dont.
im so scared. things just arent the same anymore. im not doing anything right anymore. ive lsot myself, the person i once knew isnt here anymore. i dont know what to do anymore. i feel like i dont belong here or in reality. no where. i have constant feelings of being unworthy and hopeless, of being a prisioner in my own body.
i have so much pain physically and mentally. i try to stay happy. i try to keep smiling. i try to be brave. i try to be stong. i try to act like everything is ok but im far from it.
i never know when im going to have a 'good' day and at any minute im triggered and takes such a long time to recover.
there are monsters living inside me, attacking me, ripping me apart from the inside. i dont think its ever going to end
but its ok "ill just have to get over it" just as expected

1972 replies

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In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

MazaritaSenior Contributor02 Apr 2017, 9:56 am AEST

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Hi @Former-Member, I only scanned the posts before me in this thread so I don't know everything that's going on for you, but there's a saying that comes to mind that goes: 'If you love someone, set them free. If they come back to you, they are yours. If they don't, they never were.' This saying has helped me along at times of difficulty in friendships. Also, friendships are sometimes intense, sometimes less so. We need to be able to go with the flow, reaching out at some times, stepping back at others. Later, friendship may become closer again, in even better ways.

In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Unknown userMember02 Apr 2017, 10:12 am AEST

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Thanks @Mazarita
Ita such a hard time this time of year as well

In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Unknown userMember02 Apr 2017, 1:07 pm AEST

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

I think ive worked it out with my friends guys @Faith-and-Hope @utopia @CheerBear @Former-Member @Mazarita

In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Unknown userMember02 Apr 2017, 2:31 pm AEST

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Why cant i do anything right?
I thought id take my sisters to the movies do paid online to get seats and then they say they dont want to go abd grumble there and then when i say ok we can go home now then my middle sister says ill ask if i can still go for a bike ride with her friend her friends already got plans as does another one. Now shes blaming me saying its my fault we went to the stupid movies so i couldn't go earlier now my little sisters started on me cause i said ud like to wash my car so my middle sister said you could have done earlier instead if going to watch that crap. And my little sister keep saying im lazy and stupid and i never do anything right.
I tried to talkto my mum but sge didn't want to talk to me and i tried to start my friendships back up abd wholy crap didnt i get smashed. I saud sorry to them and we can startnew but i think ive ruined my friendships
@Faith-and-Hope @utopia @CheerBear @Zoe7 @Former-Member @Owlunar @Former-Member

In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Unknown userMember02 Apr 2017, 2:32 pm AEST

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

@Mazarita above msg

In response to: Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Unknown userMember02 Apr 2017, 4:24 pm AEST

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Hi @Former-Member

They sound like normal... frustrating... frustrating... ungrateful kids hehe! They all do it, perhaps today they're tired and cranky and over things and taking it out on you? I get how it must have made you feel to have put in effort and take them out and then they turn around and be like that... My daughter has said she hates me once (and it hurt! she was angry and didnt want to do something.. i can't remember what) but i know that she feels safe enough to be angry with me, to take her frustrations out and voice them etc. with me (something i couldnt have done when i was kid without severe consequences). In all... while kids say hurtful things.. and it's ok to tell them that what they said was wrong.. they are just kids and acting out, probably without really understanding the impact that it would have on you.

Your mum often sounds frustrated and has little time/emotional energy for you which is sad, but i think there are lots of people out there like that and we can't change others so im especially glad you have us here to talk to when you need.

I was wondering if you could talk to your therapist about the friendship issues and talk about social options? You might be able to join a youth group or headspace group that would give you different options for socialising, if these friends are really friends they will be back... but doesnt mean you have to sit around waiting for them either when you need more right now 😞 Your therapist might know of groups in your specific area that could help.

take care of you

In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor02 Apr 2017, 5:05 pm AEST

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Beautifully said @Former-Member ...., ❣

Hugs @Former-Member ...., keep swimming ....

🐠🐠🐠🐬💕

In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Unknown userMember02 Apr 2017, 5:35 pm AEST

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Yet another blow up between me and mum
Im always in a mood she keeps yelling at me 😢😢😢
Im.struggling to find a reason to keep going. I really dont want to
@Faith-and-Hope @CheerBear @Zoe7 @utopia @Mazarita @Former-Member

In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Unknown userMember02 Apr 2017, 5:37 pm AEST

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

She said i dont even know why i come home when yout like this as in me and all i wanted to scream was i dont even know why im here at all. Maybe i shouldve

In response to: Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Unknown userMember02 Apr 2017, 5:41 pm AEST

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

hugs @Former-Member sounds like you both need some space. Maybe quiet time and adding to your garden? deep breathing and self soothing, nurture yourself when others cant xx

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