Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

@Former-Member popping past to send you this. Hope things feel a bit better today.

@utopia - some for you too.

hello @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Shaz51

How are you feeling this morning?

did you manage to have any block of sleep? am wondering when you last had a reasonable amount of sleep in one time. That affects me terribly.

lack of sleep escalates my anxiety and can exacerbate my depression where i become agitated.

when do you have your next appointment with this psychologist and when do you have your next appointment with your psychiatrist? are you able to ask for an emergency appointment with your psychiatrist if you have a trusting,able to talk relationship with he or she?

if your next appointment is with the counsellor tell her at the very beginning of the appointment that you have come to talk about how you have felt cornered. "today I only want to talk about my reaction during my last appointment and up to now. I have not been coping at all. I understand that you want me to open up, however I do not feel safe enough to do so. can we please just talk about my reaction to this only today"

write down what you want to say to her. you can either read it out or just hand her the piece of paper. emphasise that this is all you can talk about at the moment.

From the outside looking in and going by what you have written, this suicide counsellor probably is working to the number of appointments that you have left. It sounds as though she herself is stuck.

Don't take that as being anything that you have said or done. It is all about her and her reactions, how she is speaking to you. She is trying to force you, almost shock you into talking about something that you clearly dont feel comfortable about. I feel that this line of tactics is questionable given your reaction.

Helpline would not be able to help, out of their depth.

if you cant get appointments psychologist, or psychiatrist:

Short term, immediate ring sane and just talk to someone there about your reactions to this pushing by the counsellor. Explain that you feel that you are deeply affected by her pushing you into a corner. Sane might have some suggestions.

most of all do not do anything where you do not feel safe. whoever you are talking to tell them that you need to feel safe. I am sensing that is what is going on.

hello @Pepsimax @Former-Member @utopia and all

brilliant thinking Pepsimax

I am not long out of hospital and can see am getting back into habit of being on here too long so have to curb my time

i will be back within a few days

others will be holding your hands

tag teams

please remember you are the most import for you lil-caterpillar and if something doesnt feel right trust your instincts. write your thoughts down and what you want from the session and just show them that.

stay safe

hi @utopia thank you for replying

ive tried talking to her to start with utopia. i dont know where im going wrong. it took me a long time to even approach her to say i was having troubles and that i think going to counselling would help me to move forward. when i approached her i was nervous but calm and i said "mum can i please talk to you about something that im struggling with?" she said yes and so i proceeded to say " im really struggling with my sisters dog attack (cant put names here) and i still get alot of panic attacks revolving this and alot of nightmares and i cant seem to work out how to control it so going to counselling i think would help me" and she said "you just need to get over it and grow up, it was 2 years ago shes fine just get over it already" i didnt really know how to respond to that so i said "how are you coping with it now?" and she said " im fine, your sisters fine, ive accepted what happened and moved on" i said "ok ok" i didnt really know hoow to proceed from that.

so i organised a counsellor anyway and let mum know that i had organised one and this date was the first appointment.

then i told her one of the coping mechanisms that i was given after my first appointment which was you should take an hour to yourself each day so that you can give yourself a breather and as im afraid of dogs that when they were going to go to the off leash dog park to not go until i had some control over the panic attacks. which i calmly explained to mum and her responses was "i hate your counsellor, she should be helping you overcome this not telling you to leave out family time" she was yelling at me again

i said to her still calm " shes not telling me to leave out family time, shes asking me to take a little time to myself and to not go to the places that i have full blown panic attacks with just until i can control them abit more"

as you probably know i do alot of everything in the house and family, even more so then my mother so the one hour to myself sounded good to me

then she just growled at me and said i dont like her

so after 2 months the continuous arguments over this counsellor i decide to change to a new one and had one session and then got refferred to the suicide program and now i am where i am

my mother doesnt know about my sh or suicidal thoughts as she really is always at work so i cant hide things very easily.

i dont know what else to do @utopia

i explained all this to my counsellor yesterday and she asked me the same thing again again again and i dont know what else she expects me to say, there isnt anything else to say about it .

a few times in the last session i asked her what did she mean by that and she reexplained it so i could answer properly so i did that yesterday as well.

@BlueBay@Former-Member@Pepsimax@CheerBear@utopia@Phoenix_Rising@Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

Im really not doing so well, this has really affected me really badly and i dont even know why.

what is wrong with me, what am i doing wrong, why cant i handle this 😞 😞

@Former-Member@BlueBay@Pepsimax@CheerBear@utopia@Faith-and-Hope

i have had 5 hours sleep thanks to strong sleeping tablets

i have a weekly appointment with my psychologist and i dont see my psychiatrist for another 6 weeks and i see my gp every week as well

im thinking about writing her an email as she works on monday so she will get it then and usually responds so maybe i should email her and ask her about it and see what she says cause its really got me

Hi @Former-Member

I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. It must be so hard with your mum not supporting your decision to go to counselling.

You said you are really not doing so well, I'm wondering what you mean by that, and whether you need to talk to someone about how you are feeling?

Remember, you can always contact one of the following organisations if things are getting too much:

Lifeline: 13 11 14

Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467

Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636

Zahlia